Sometimes
you have generic no-brainers that bore you (like "Virus") and other times
you get generic no-brainers that actually entertain. "Deep Rising" is part
of the latter category. This movie is stupid and it knows it. It’s very déjà vu
and it knows it. But most of all, it’s guilty fun and it knows it!
I’ve
seen this formula a zillion times before but this film plays it out with
such energy and loads of macho bullcrap, that I couldn’t help but enjoy
myself. You want to see lots of gunplay? Tough guy stare downs? Chase
sequences involving giant CGI tentacles? Or maybe some sea-doos riding
around inside a cruise ship? If so, you’re in the right spot. To make everything
even more enjoyable, we’re also treated to some sometimes-excessive gore
(didn’t see that axe thang coming), funny one-liners (Williams and
O’Connor are all about that) and situational humor that actually works
(Wes Studi’s last bullet scene cracked me up).
Now
I start bitching: The CGI is at times very obvious (the full creature
looks like shite) and the blue screen gives a lot of potentially scary
scenes away (you know something is going to happen before it happens because
you see the flick jump into blue screen mode). The movie also overstays its
welcome by about 15 minutes, gets very repetitive (creature attacks, they
run away, creature attacks, they run away…) and is fairly predictable.
It could’ve skipped on some of the more tired conventions: The stalk
sequences involving characters wandering alone in the dark take a bit too
much time to get to the point (mainly because we know they’re gonna die).
And did we really need the token traitor that winds up getting the worst
death? Or the guy that always seems to know where the creature came from
(actually the same guy)? Not really. The film could’ve also upped Tooch’s girlfriend subplot. Why did they even write her in? They hardly
use her or capitalize on the fact that she’s his girl. Could’ve
increased the stakes with her character.
After
I finished second guessing the whole flick and scoring a percentage of
100% accuracy, I looked back at my "Deep Rising" experience and came to the
conclusion that it had a lot in common with a one night stand blow job.
I’ve had many of them in the past, they feel good, sometimes a bit
off and when they're all over, they generally don't mean anything. Now I won’t respect
"Deep Rising" in the morning but I can’t deny that it gives good head. Wham,
bam…thank you ma'am!