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Halloween 5 (1989)
 
   
 Directed by: Dominique Othenin-Girard
 Starring: Donald Pleasence/Dr. Sam Loomis
Danielle Harris/Jamie Lloyd
Ellie Cornell/Rachel
Wendy Kaplan/Tina
 
RATING

PLOT-CRUNCH:


Pussying out from the shocking cliffhanger part 4 ended with, part 5 begins with The Shape getting shotgunned into a tomb, falling in a river and being found by some bum. The bum babysits Michael for a year, but when Halloween comes he wakes up and his thirst for killing Jamie (Harris) hasn’t toned down, he goes on the hunt again. Jamie is now in a hospital, she can’t talk and it winds up that she’s somehow psychologically linked with her uncle. Loomis (Pleasence) is still around, waiting for the inevitable and some mysterious guy dressed in black enters the picture. Halloween becomes a bloody soap opera.
  

THE LOWDOWN:


This one should be called: Halloween 5: The Sabotage Of Michael Myers. I think Dominique Othenin-Girard set out to destroy the Halloween series. No director in their right mind would direct a movie like this and actually think they’re doing a good job. Where do I begin…First off not going with the ending of Halloween 4 was a big mistake, it would have opened so many possibilities for the series, Jamie should have taken Michael’s place…I guess somebody got cold feet. This time around Loomis’s ranting feels very redundant, poor Mr. Pleasence, it shows he doesn’t want to be on set…just the paycheck (he and the director were at odds about the movie’s direction).

The movie is filled with nerve testing characters, from Jamie who can’t speak (annoying), from her stuttering sidekick (excruciating), to the two comic relief bumbling cops who always show up accompanied by clown like sound effects (what the f..k) but the real test was actually the main character…Tina, I‘ll get back to her later. We are treated with the worst teen to teen dialogue, a lagging pace, awful writing, a Michael that cries (?!?) and a dumber than "Forrest Gump" ending. Lets send this one to the electric chair…
  

ACTING:


Donald Pleasence (Loomis) seems very unhappy to be there, his performance feels like a throwaway one, but I don't blame him…at least he knew he was in a piece of crap. Danielle Harris (Jamie) is solid in this one, yes the fact that she doesn’t speak for half the film is testing but she does it good and manages to really pull off 2 very emotional scenes. I’m impressed. Ellie Cornell (Rachel) plays the only real and sympathetic character in the film. She just seems like a kool, normal girl…of course the director perceived the positive energy she was bringing to the movie and kills her off quickly (a-hole).

Jonathan Chapin (Mike) gives a one dimensional, poser tough guy performance. I know the part is written that way but I really wanted to beat him silly. Matthew Walker (Spitz) couldn’t act his way out of a "Cindy Lauper" flick and is one ugly, annoying bastard. At least he gets to have a sex scene (his idea of foreplay is putting on a condom) with a hot blonde (poor actress). And last but certainly not least is Wendy Kaplan (Tina) as the actress I would most likely nail to my floor with a nailgun. She gives an embarrassing, headache giving, all over the place, dumbass performance. I wouldn’t wish her on my worst enemy, god she’s bad and trust me after this film you will sympathize with my nail gun comment.
 

GORE:


The kills are bloody but quite boring. The Shape’s new mask looks bad.
   

T & A:


A blonde bimbo with the IQ of a cockroach show us her small firm breasts.
   

DIRECTING:


Girard knows squat about suspense. His kill scenes are overlong, his scares are cheap and he really knows nothing about the spirit of the "Halloween" flicks. He’s also obviously in the dark about how to direct actors. The word "hack" comes to mind…
   

SOUNDTRACK:


The "Carpenter" classic theme is remade in a blah, ho hum way.
   

BOTTOM LINE:


This is the worst Halloween of the series. Even Michael Myers looks bored in it. The previous Halloween films at least showed sign of intelligence among the carnage, this one is a donkey. The introduction of the man in black is interesting but far from enough to save this turd. Dominique Othenin Girard obviously forgot he was doing a "Halloween" flick and gives us what resembles a French farce with sleep inducing murder sequences. This one sets the slasher genre back 20 years and is a slap in the face to an otherwise excellent series. Dominique Othenin-Girard should be cut into little pieces and mailed to Peru. Shame on you!!!
  

BULL'S EYE:


Donald Pleasence quote about Halloween 5: "I do think the story is a bit stupid, and there’s a lot more blood. They’re obviously taking the Halloween series in a different direction. I don’t know if I’m thrilled with that direction, but I guess it doesn’t make a difference, since I won’t be around".

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The Way The Arrow Points...

   
 I’d BUTCHER my family to see this again
 HANG me but I dug it a lot
 An ok way to KILL two hours
 Just sling an ARROW in my head and let me die in peace

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