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Halloween 7 (1998)
 
   
 Directed by: Steve Miner
 Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis/Laurie Strode
Josh Hartnett/John
LL Cool J/Ronny
Michelle Williams/Molly
 
RATING

PLOT-CRUNCH:


Halloween 4-5-6 are discarded and this one takes place 20 years after the second one. Laurie Strode (Curtis) now in the witness relocation program and head mistress of a posh school has become one messed up woman. She drinks like a sailor, swears like a truck driver and is one paranoid mess. Her young son John (Hartnett) takes care of her but he’s getting fed up with her shite and just wants to go on with his life. Just when Laurie decides to chill out and give her son some space, uncle Michael comes to town with his bag of goodies. He’s ready to spread the love.
  

THE LOWDOWN:


This movie is what would happen if Michael Myers would walk on the set of Dawson’s Creek. It looks and feels like that darn TV show. To calm down some of my readers I will say I have nothing against Dawson’s Creek but it has jack all to do with horror flicks. This movie has two things going for it. 1: The relationship between Laurie and John. 2: 15 minutes of suspense at the end. What could have been a good movie is ruined by (I suspect) "one trick pony" Kevin Williamson who did a polish on the script. This is not supposed to be a "Scream" movie, it’s a Halloween movie you dummy. I don't want winks about other horror flicks (mainly Psycho) I want suspense, mystery…horror goddamn it! We have one teen from Dawson’s Creek (Williams), another from Can’t Hardly Wait (Hann-Byrd), LL Cool J (he’s funny but what the f…k is he doing in a Halloween flick) and the absence of Donald Pleasence (not their fault, he’s dead). All those players contribute to making this movie everything but a true "Halloween" movie. Is this the future of horror…making references to better movies, having little in jokes, getting the teen of the month to star in it? I hope this crap dies down and Williamson goes back to selling hot-dogs. The original Scream was good, the references original but now it’s played out. This is not a true Halloween film. Kiss my knife.
  

ACTING:


Jamie Lee Curtis (Laurie) and Josh Hartnett (John) have great chemistry together and give credible performances. LL Cool J (Ronny) is the comic relief (again), Michelle Williams (Molly) lets her cute face do the acting, Jodi Lyn O’ Keefe (Sarah) dies well, Adam Hann-Byrd (Charlie) is hard to look at, his character is all about sex and there’s no way a girl that looks like O Keefe would date him…weird casting. Janet Leigh (Norma…come on) has a cameo. (she was the shower victim in the original Psycho and Curtis’s mom). Nancy Stephens (Marion) comes back (she’s in the first two) only to be killed off quick.
 

GORE:


Weak…but Michael really gives it to Jody Lyn O’ Keefe, ouch…I guess Mike also saw "She’s All That".
   

T & A:


Nudity is not in "the new teens" contracts. LL Cool J could have at least shown his ass or something.
   

DIRECTING:


Steve Miner knows a thing or two about horror flicks (directed Friday The 13th 2-3 and Warlock), too bad he only remembered them in the last 15 minutes of the film.
   

SOUNDTRACK:


Reworking of Carpenter’s score, wasted on this poser crap. Why didn’t they put some hip hop or some Britney Spears???
   

BOTTOM LINE:


I know I’m hard on this one but I love "The Shape" and I hate to see him become an "Egg Mc Muffin" or a "Clearasil" tube. The movie does have good production values and some tension in the end but it has nothing to do with the spirit of "Halloween". They took the Michael Myers character and packaged him in a commercial teen flick. Hardly anybody dies in this one, it’s full of fake scares, scenes that lead nowhere and it reeks of Williamson. If I want to see the car Janet Leigh drove in "Psycho", I’ll rent Psycho. Williamson go do a sequel to Teaching Mrs. Tingle you bum (I’m so happy it bombed) and leave Michael Myers alone!!!
 
 

BULL'S EYE:


I hear another sequel is on the way.

What's with the tag line: Blood is thicker than water. Even that’s a joke (H20…get it?) urgh…

Why don’t they get Freddie Prinze Jr to play The Shape in the next one?

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The Way The Arrow Points...

   
 I’d BUTCHER my family to see this again
 HANG me but I dug it a lot
 An ok way to KILL two hours
 Just sling an ARROW in my head and let me die in peace

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