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Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
 
   
 Directed by: Rick Rosenthal
 Starring: Bianca Kajlich/Sara
Katee Sackhoff/Jenn
Busta Rhymes/Freddie
Tyra Banks/Nora
     
RATING

PLOT-CRUNCH:


Michael Myers (Loree) pays Laurie Strode (Curtis) a visit in a sanitarium and then heads home for some downtime. When he gets there, he finds a group of paper cut-outs posing as teenagers chilling in his crib with web cams attached to their freaking heads. What’s a psychopath to do with that kind of scenario going down in his pad? Mike polishes the kitchen knife and does the teen laundry...Myers style!
  

THE LOWDOWN:


“Trick or reat, motherfucker”-- Freddie aka Busta Rhymes

Call me an asshole or a tightly wound purist, I don’t care, I personally didn’t respect "Halloween: H20". They sold Michael out to the “Scream” audience, therein dissing the hardcore fans who spent their hard earned dollars following the storyline over the years. Hey man, I was there in the theatre for Part 4-5-6…now you telling me that IT DOESN’T MATTER? BLOW ME!

Keeping with that pattern, "Halloween 8" also mostly discards (except for Laurie’s involvement) all of the previous Mike Myers carnivals. But the worst sin which H8 commits is discarding H20’s main raison d’etre (Michael back to stalk his nephew) to give our beloved mass murderer a “janitorial” task as motivation instead. Teen wastes are in his house, Michael be cleaning…that’s it. That’s the plot of H8! Not even one mention of Laurie’s son John (played by Josh Hartnett in H20)! Where are the new answers promised? The links to the previous entries? Probably in Akkad’s bank account.

Screenplay-wise, this has to be the thinnest of all the Halloween films. The lead characters are so beyond underdeveloped it’s a screenwriting crime. Call 5.0. now! Why the hell was Tyra Banks’ character Nora in this movie again? Sure, we get a close up of her heart shaped bootie (thanks Rosenthal) but other than that, she’s absent most of the way. And what about our heroine Sara (Kajlich)? You know the LEAD girl? She’s also abandoned for a long period of time and I can’t say that I found out anything about who she was throughout the film. Nice tits though. And then we have the lousy dialogue, I laughed my ass off more than once. *MINOR SPOILERS* Wait till you see that chick hit Mike with a chainsaw while yelping “This is for so and so, this is for so and so”! I had a giggle fit! That was so BADDDDD! *END MINOR SPOILERS*

Now, Mack Daddy Busta Rhymes (Freddie) is a whole other ballgame. Oh my Carpenter, we in trouble! To be honest, I usually dig the dude, I enjoyed his shtick in "Shaft" a lot but he had NO BUSINESS being in this movie and it angered me that he made a mockery of it all. *MINOR SPOILERS* When faced with Michael, Busta did these over-the-top martial arts like gestures that almost had me hurling in disgust. Was that an attempt at comic relief or was that supposed to be serious??? Either way: THIS IS A SEQUEL TO HALLOWEEN MAN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??? Busta also had a few poseur tough guy lines he spat Michael’s way that I just couldn’t swallow. Crud like “Trick or treat, motherfucker”. I almost slit my wrists right there. *END MINOR SPOILERS* Now, it’s not really Busta’s fault that he didn’t fit in this movie. The screenwriter (Larry Brand) or the director is to blame. I still can’t believe how much his character got away with! All Michael had to do was snap his neck like a twig and move on but nooooo! Busta wound up making an ass of Michael Myers and that didn’t go down well with the Myers “fanboy” piece of my soul.

Structure-wise, the flick is very simple...maybe too simple. We only get one subplot that has to do with Sara and some Don Juan kid (Merriman) flirting with her via email (God, I missed Sam Loomis there), but even that angle isn't explored to its fullest. Sure it wound up being a kool plot device during some of the tenser stalk sequences but in the end, it didn’t amount to anything on a character level (what happened to those crazy kids yo?). And then we have the ending. Fuck me man; that had to be the most clichéd and boring way I’ve ever seen Michael buy the plasma farm. The finale here made the father popping out of the lake in "Friday the 13th: Part 7" seem like a swell idea. What a waste! NOTE: Why didn’t the teens just leave the house at any point? Like jump out a window or something? Sure beats wrestling with Michael Myers. Just a thought.

I do have some positive jive to spit out about this sequel though. First off, I relished seeing Laurie (Curtis) kicking it again. Her scene with Michael is most likely the best in the film. Brad Loree (Michael) also comes on strong as our masked fiend. The man IS scary! Also, since all of the teen characters didn’t appeal to me, I was raving with aggressive joy when Mikey started offing them in gruesome ways. I was rooting for our white faced homie like I've never rooted for him before! I kept yelling out loud much to the dismay of the other critics around me: KILL THEM ALL, MIKE! KILL THEM!!!

The murders here are way slick (loved the crushed head bit…very nice) and mostly came through. Thank you for that. I also enjoyed the “Blair Witch” type vibe the film put out with the web cams. Rosenthal splits the screen 4 ways at times and the constant POV shots from the main players gave this sequel a more involving aura that often made up for the non-existent screenplay. Last but not least, I grooved on the small nods to "Halloween" and "Halloween 2" and really got into the Myers vs Rudy (Thomas) knife battle in the kitchen. Fun stuff!    

But overall, as a Halloween sequel...this one didn’t cut it. Loomis is gone, Laurie is gone and there’s no story left to tell. Even the mood is off! Did this sequel take place in Haddonfield, Illinois on Halloween? Felt like Vancouver BC on any day to me. I personally think this series is out of red gas. Shit, it could’ve been Richard Simmons doing the slaying and the narrative wouldn’t have been hindered. As a stand alone slasher, there is some easy fun to be had here, the murders are kool, the mask is a mean machine again (I forgot all about that Pokemon mask in H20) and the pace is quick (at 85 minutes, it better be). But Halloween as I know it died with H20 and H8 just re-confirmed that the jig is up. RIP Michael, unless this one also makes more money.
    

ACTING:


Bianca Kajlich (Sara) screams very well, but that’s about it...not much of an interesting part. Katee Sackhoff (Jenn) had a weird effect on me. On the one hand, she annoyed the crap out of me with her wacky show, but on the other, she turned me on…go figure. Busta Rhymes (Freddie) does ok, he has some funny moments but I didn’t feel like they were suitable for a Halloween flick. Sean Patrick Thomas (Rudy) made his thin part interesting by injecting lots of charm into it. Good shite! Tyra Banks (Nora) shakes that ass and grabs that cash. Ryan Merriman (Myles) does what he has to do well. Billy Kay’s character Scott really rubbed me the wrong way. I was like: will this kid fuck off already? Nice hair though. Brad Loree (Michael) is one of the better Michaels on the block. His subtle movements and his eyes projected mucho aggression. NICE WORK BUD!
 

GORE:


Michael is pissed here and being in his shoes...I would be too. What have they done to the franchise??? We get bloody stabbings, a knife in the head, a crushed skull (my favorite), a beheading, an impaling, a guy stuck to a door with knives and more! YIPPEE!
   

T & A:


Some disposable chick shows us her ta-tas and Katee Sackhoff (Jenn) reveals her bra in a teasing fashion (take it off!). The ladies get Michael Myers’ fit ass.
   

DIRECTING:


Rosenthal does a solid job here and impressed me. He handles the web cam POV stuff very well, does great things with shadows, showcases some groovy shots, uses that slow motion like a champ and even managed to generate some tension in certain scenes. Taking into account the script that he had to work with…good work!
   

SOUNDTRACK:


Danny Lux gives the score a very dark mood and re-interprets Carpenter’s classic Halloween ditty in a bad ass way. I could’ve gone without the R&B song though.
   

BOTTOM LINE:


I’m actually going softer on this one than I should. I guess H20 softened the blow and I let myself have fun with this “Michael selling out again” opus on a very primal level. But how Michael Myers went from hunting his sister, to hunting his niece to hunting a rapper and ex-supermodel is still beyond me. It has NOTHING and I stress the word NOTHING to do with the Halloween I grew up with. To be fair, Rick Rosenthal is not to blame here, the screenplay is. It’s minimal and any substance that it had was cut out (I read the script and it was more layered than the finished product). So all we got left is Michael in a scary ass mask, some polished web cam shots and some cum-inducing violent murders. If that’s enough for you, hit this Myers bong with every breath that you can muster. You might get higher on the film than I did. As for me, I’ll keep hoping that the H8 DVD will deliver the fries with my Whopper. Give me those missing scenes, yo! This isn’t a complete movie, I know it!
 

BULL'S EYE:


This flick was originally set to come out on September 21st, 2001 but the producers at Dimension Films weren’t fully pleased with the movie so re-shoots took place between September and October 2001.

Whitney Ransick and Dwight Little ("Halloween 4") turned down the chance to direct this sequel.

Jacinda Barrett was first cast as Sara Moyer but dropped out at the last minute.  

The many titles of Halloween Resurrection included: Hall8ween / Halloween 8 / Halloween H2K / Halloween H2K: Evil Never Dies / Halloween: Evil Never Dies / Halloween: Homecoming / Halloween: MichaelMyers.com / Halloween: The Homecoming.

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The Way The Arrow Points...

   
 I’d BUTCHER my family to see this again
 HANG me but I dug it a lot
 An ok way to KILL two hours
 Just sling an ARROW in my head and let me die in peace

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