Joss wants Terminator
Nov. 3, 2009
Yesterday we gave you the details about the auctioning of the TERMINATOR franchise. If you couldn't tell, it's kind of a big deal--at least, to those with big enough pocketbooks to do something about it.
One person who wants in on the action is BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and FIREFLY creator Joss Whedon. In a tongue-in-cheek open letter to the current owners of the TERMINATOR rights, he offers them a whopping $10,000, and provides six major directions he'd go with the franchise, and why he should get the rights. Check it out:
1) Terminator... of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far... back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? "Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!" RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he's a cyborg and he doesn't give a s#&% about the ring -- it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he's doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).
2) More Glau. Hey. There's a reason they're called "Summer" movies.
3) Can you say... musical? Well don't. Even I know that's an awful idea.
4) Christian Bale's John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)
5) More porn. John Connor never told Kyle Reese this, but his main objective in going to the past was to get some. What if there's a lot of future-babies that have to be made? Cue wah-wah pedal guitar -- and dollar signs!
6) The movies will stop getting less cool.
While Whedon is clearly poking fun, that doesn't mean he wouldn't do an awesome job if he were given the rights to the franchise. Not that I worship the ground the guy walks on or anything, but he's proven he knows how to make quality entertainment, both on TV and on the big screen, so why the hell not?
To check out the full letter, including more reasons why Joss should be able to buy the franchise for $10K, click HERE, and stick around for the results of the TERMINATOR auction later this month.
Spilled Blood: The four TERMINATOR films have grossed a total of $519M at the domestic box office--the average take being $129M. Awesome for 1984... shitty for 2009....
