"I
am the law! Put down your weapons and prepare to be judged." ---
Judge Dredd
Two
things must be said before I begin this review. #1: I never followed
or read the comics on which this flick is based on, so I didn’t know or
care if it was faithful to its source material. #2:
I’m a huge Sylvester Stallone fan, the man has heavily inspired
me throughout my evolution from teen to man and no matter how “off” he
can be in some of his movies, I will always love the big lug
unconditionally. Now on with the judging!
This
big bad flick was universally bashed by all the critics upon its initial
release and I’m here, on top of a mountain with an M-60 in
hand and a red bandana around my head, to scream: IT WASN’T THAT BAD! Sure, the film
didn’t display one ounce of originality, but at least it ripped off solid
movies. The eye-popping future backdrops sported the designs of "Blade
Runner" and the feel of "Total Recall", the film’s plot felt like
Stallone’s own "Demolition Man" and the exciting flying motorcycle chase
was straight out of "Return of the Jedi". And that wasn’t all.
The
satirical-like vibe reeked of "Robocop" while the Cannibal Clan was
reminiscent of "The Hills Have Eyes" with one member actually looking a lot
like Eddie from Iron Maiden's "Somewhere in Time" album cover. With that
said you still have to give the movie this: it put out its mimicry and déjà
vu set pieces with gusto and high energy.
So
even though the plot found here was interesting enough to keep me going, with
predictable yet enjoyable turns in its trunk, it was really the
physical mayhem that cranked my dial to big smiles. The pace of this
bullet was furious...I didn’t get one micro-second of boredom! The yummy
violence was also excessive (that’s good!), the gunplay laid on thick
(gotta love those voice-activated side arms), the fisticuffs
enthralling and the chase scenes jaw-dropping. The acting was
also highly amusing, with a number of "so grandiose they’re cheesy" dramatic
moments gracing the screen (love the court scene) and a rampant Armande
Assante aka Rico gobbling the scenery like Jenna Jameson on a rod sucking
spree. Man, did the man have a hoot with the part or what? I relished every
moment Assante was on screen and found myself surprised at the subtle
layers he managed to bring to the role as well. Rico definitely had more depth
than Dredd.
Thematically,
the flick tried to make some kind of statement on the legal system and the nature of justice. It also slapped a half-cocked love angle
in there and played the re-awakened “feelings” game when it came to Dredd. But
let’s face it, most of it just didn’t hit the mark. The substance was
either never taken far enough for me to care or went over my head because
I was too busy grinning like a doped-up Chiwawa while watching Stallone
mow down all kinds of people with a gun the length of a fireman’s
ladder. NOW THAT’S FUN TIMES! And say what you will about the Sly man,
but nobody and I mean nobody, looks more comfortable and kool-as-ice firing
a big ass gun on film than he does. It just works aces!
In
the guilty chapter of the law book, no matter how much I love Stallone, I
will be the first to say that his uneven performance was one of the
film’s biggest drawbacks here. When he played it down and dirty (a la
"Cobra") it was all good, but the second he tried too hard, he’d make a
fool of himself. The crappy one-liners he spat out didn’t help his case
either (“I knew you’d say that” was lame). The presence of twerp Rob
Schneider (Fergie) also grated me big time. I didn’t need a short,
“funny” sidekick to wash my sweet harshness down! They’ve
should’ve embraced the bleakness of the flick instead of lightening
things up with a babbling midget in training. Lastly, I always thought that
the finale felt choppy and incomplete (severe editing perhaps?). The
possibilities built upon were not fully capitalized on (should’ve had
the clones go buck wild against Dredd) and the mano ET mano fisticuffs
between the two enemies was somewhat underwhelming. TOO EASY!
But
when all was said and judged, "Judge Dredd" was flawed, yes and derivative of
better movies, yes...but it was still a freakin' riot to watch nonetheless. You get your heavy bang-bang, your cat fight (chick
vs chick), your
carnage robot, your flashy costumes, your clever one-liners and a slew of
mean guns all wrapped up in stellar production values. It all could’ve
been deeper and more developed but hey, it came through for me as an easy
and brainless slice of pure macho entertainment. Court’s adjourned!