Evil", "The Evil Dead" and
"Reservoir Dogs" would have a dirty unprotected
gang-bang; a bastard Japanese child named "Junk" would pop out of
rabbit hole. This toddler is far from original and has a lot of weaknesses,
but it made up for its low IQ by managing to highly divert my dumb self
for a buck and half. Sometimes I giggled for the right reasons, other
times for the wrong ones, but overall, I had a gnarly good time and
sometimes that’s all that matters. This was one of those times.
a screenplay level, don’t even think of violently beating this mental
patient for cerebral stimulation. The script showcases crappy dialogue and
is filled with more holes than my used up blow-up “Tracy” doll. For
example, why did that helicopter pilot keep insisting that he had to leave? Oh yeah,
because the script NEEDS him to exit to force the plot into one direction. How
did that resurrection scene work again? Oh yeah, it doesn’t matter if it
doesn’t make sense...the dead HAVE to rise! And
why was the super femme zombie so well preserved in her all of her nudity
with such a stylish hair bob? Oh yeah, we need to give the male viewers
the occasional boner! She GOT to look good! See what I’m saying?
doesn’t get much better on a character level. They’re either bland (Yakusa
dudes), way annoying (that yelping banshee Akira), silly looking (the
Mafia boss aka The Drag Queen as I like to call him) or incredibly
incomprehensible (that doctor with the bad English cracked me up every
time he spoke...WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE SAYING???). And what was up with not
milking Saki’s (Shimaura) razor kool potential to its fullest? I mean,
she was all geared up to pull a “Trinity” on our ass with her hot
looks and groovy leather digs! Unfortunately, Saki whooped that zombie
bootie in all of its slow motion glory maybe twice. We needed more of that
into this mix, if you ask me!
why did I still have an eventful pajama party with "Junk"? Well, there’s no
two ways around it; most of its faults had me chuckling like a schoolgirl
on acid and laughter my friends, is the third best remedy for the blues
next to horror and meaningless sex. And when "Junk" wasn’t doing the
satisfying “helium” bit on my brain cells, it was filling my retinas
with jamborees of exploitative violence that rarely stopped for a pee break.
The film opens with an enthralling jewelry store heist, and then proceeds
to take us to zombie heaven where the zombies are wall to wall. It all ends in a volcanic medley of Kung Fu fighting, female
flesh and chunky red. YOU WANT SOME FRIES WITH THAT? COME ON!
the flick was also quite a tasty treat. It was all about spastic exercises
in high style that kept my eyes glued to the screen. And when it came to its
American Cinema-like feel and its "in your face" camera tricks,
this genre monkey owed as much to Tarantino as it did to Raimi. The
cherry on top of this whipped creamed bowl of strawberry Jell-O were the
sly genre references that made me think that the dude behind this puppy
was on our side; we get the serum from "Re-Animator", a score similar at
times to the one in "Return of the Living Dead" and the conventions of all
of Romero’s dead films.
overall, "Junk" is one flawed, unoriginal genre exercise but at the same
time, it’s a hilarious and enthusiastic horror action flick that gave me
the cheap thrills that I craved for the evening. Sometimes you gotta say:
screw intelligence! Just entertain me with the goodies! "Junk" is that kind
of gal. It aimed to please and got the mother fucking job done. KILL! KILL! KILL!