The Arrow in the Head review of Leviathan: Horror Reviews

Leviathan (1989)

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Directed by:	George P. Cosmatos
Starring:	Peter Weller/Steven
	Amanda Pays/Elizabeth
	Richard Crenna/Dr. Thompson
	Ernie Hudson/Jones

RATING

PLOT-CRUNCH:

Miners working at the bottom of the ocean take a stroll through a sunken ghost ship and come back onboard their bubble base with a particular infection. Think genetic mutation that put Chlamydia to shame, think a creature with tentacles hiding in tight corners, think Peter Weller kicking that latex ass!

THE LOWDOWN:

When James Cameron’s "The Abyss" came out in 1989, it sparked the release of three underwater Alien/The Abyss rip offs: "Deep Star Shite" (it’s really “Six”), "Leviathan" and Roger Corman’s "Lords of the Deep" starring Priscilla "80’s masturbatory fantasy” Barnes from “Three’s Company”.

When I saw "Leviathan" on the big screen for the first time, the words “fun” and “unoriginal” came out of my yapper. Watching it today, I still derived some oiled up strokes out of it, but its unoriginality got upped a few notches due to all of the similar films that I’ve seen since then. If you’ve seen "Alien", "The Thing", "The Abyss" and all of their knock-offs, you’ll know exactly where this one is going before it even thinks of getting there. I mean, is the “company” behind it all (shades of Alien there)? In what order will these peeps die (like duh)? Is the creature really dead or will it come back for a last hoorah? You won’t need to ask for a round of “Double Jeopardy” to answer those questions for yourself.

One other aspect that struck me in watching this clone was the see-through devices used to set up its “fear” scenarios. Man, can you be more freaking obvious? You know how it goes...everybody and their uncle wear earphones after a particular disturbing ordeal. Why? Well, earphones mean they won’t hear shite when the beast goes “pop goes the burrito” on everybody’s ass. This crew (of course) also likes to split up when they hear that strange noise in a creepy setting, I mean, they just got to investigate that stuff solo, even after the crazy stuff they just witnessed. Come on man!! Where’s the subtlety? It’s under “S”...look into it! Sheesh! Yes, "Leviathan" is not the smartest blonde in the hot tub.

Having said that, this genre beeyatch still got on her knees to provide some easy thrills and messy spills (he, he, he). The pacing was tighter than Cameron Diaz’s ass, the cast was stellar and the plot turns-- although so déjà vu it wasn’t even funny-- still enjoyable. I can also think of worse ways to kill a buck and a half than by watching Amanda Pays jog through corridors while proudly displaying those long luscious legs. Keep working it, girl! I’ll keep watching! But the main reason to see this movie is for the Stan Winston “The Thing”-wannabee creature effects that went from mucho effective (you can’t go wrong with a beastie sporting human heads on its back) to shoddy as hell (the full body creature shots looked like a rubber I used yesterday). So throughout this watch, I either got grossed out by the effects or I laughed at them-- either way I was entertained!

In the end, "Leviathan" wound up being a by-the-numbers, easy time waster, following the pre-conceived formula within the “monster in claustrophobic area” sub-genre to a T right down to the tacky second ending and cheesy one-liner that came along with it. Pop some corn, kill your house pets and switch your brain off. Levia-this!

ACTING:

Peter Weller (Steven) didn’t always convince me, but his deep voice and trippy blue eyes backed him up well. Amanda Pays (Elizabeth) is freaking hot and that’s all I needed from her cause I’m that guy, being…that guy. Richard Crenna (Dr. Thompson) was always a solid character actor (RIP buddy) and even though the word “Trautman” came to mind every time he spoke, he still gave a badass show. Ernie Hudson (Jones) kicked “cachous” as the “token black guy”. Daniel Stern (Six Pack) played against type (for me anyways, I know him from “Home Alone” and shit) and came through as the horny dickwad. Michael Carmine (DeJesus) gave a sympathetic performance. Hector Elizondo (Cobb) played Hector Elizondo...but in a horror movie. Meg Foster (Martin) played an ice cold chick again and man, are her eyes freaky! I’d love to stare into those peepers while I <finish this sentence yourself>.

GORE:

This one showed off a few “yuck” moments, namely: disgusting infected skin, a creature burying itself in one’s chest, a cut tentacle, gooey and at times, creative creature effects (love the hand thing) and for the weed smokers in the pad-- a tacky full body monster to giggle at. Laugh it up, fuzzball!

T & A:

We get Amanda Pays in her undies playing “pants on, pants off” and taking a shower in her bra (water + bra = nipple action). The gals get some shirtless dudes with Hector Elizondo being one of them. God, I love being man! BOOYAH!

DIRECTING:

George P. Cosmatos delivers an adequate, if not pedestrian, show with dabbles of slow motion in tow while displaying all of the typical camera angles that come with this type of genre effort. Okay, but nothing to spank your loved one about.

SOUNDTRACK:

Jerry Goldsmith’s score backed the images decently, but kind of telegraphed the “type” of scenes that were to come. Somewhat generic.

BOTTOM LINE:

You can do worse than "Leviathan", like hitting "Deep Star Six" or a used up smack whore. You can also do better with the likes of "Alien", "The Thing", "The Abyss" or a high class escort. But if you’re dying for a way to slaughter time, this connect-the-dots sucker with gooey goods in its back seat might be your ticket to easy fun city. I say watch it to witness first hand the “battle of the blue eyes”. With Amanda Pays sporting sweet blue eyes, Peter Wellers showing off his striking tints and Meg Foster piercing the screen as the QUEEN of killer, insane blue eyes…you’ll get an eyeful. Eye… eyeful…get it? GET IT? LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! I suck.

BULL'S EYE:

This flick was shot in the Adriatic Sea, the Gulf of Mexico and Malta.

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