"Eenie, meenie, minie, moe...who’s the next motherfucker to go?"-- Gabe

I love Renny Harlin. Why? "Prison", "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane", "Die Hard 2", "Cliffhanger", "Deep Blue Sea" and "Driven", that’s why! So you can imagine the immense delight I felt when his latest toddler, “Mindhunters”, found its way onto my doorstep. So what’s the latest on this flick, you may ask? Well, for causes unknown to me, its release date has been pushed back countless times by Dimension Films, with the last word being that they now want to let it loose sometime in 2005. I’m getting flashbacks of "Below" and "Equilibrium" over here! COME ON! It’s too bad too, since "Mindhunters" was quite the hoot and it deserves to be seen by everybody RIGHT FREAKIN' NOW!

As I was dancing with this cinematic badass, I kept saying to myself: ”This has gotta be one of the most effortless movies I’ve ever had to sit through”. Was the whole somewhat implausible? In places. Was it manipulative? Oh yeah! But I forgave it for that jive quickly and let myself be taken for the bumpy ride! Props to the king of "wham-bam" Renny Harlin, who puts out an airtight wing-ding of brutal bonbon that just wouldn’t stop winning me over via its relentless canon blasts of scrumptious horror conventions. We get it all here genre-fiends: a spine-chilling setting, imaginative booby traps, gory and wicked kills, ample macabre ideas (loved the “puppet” bit), mind-numbing riddles, slick killer MOs (adored the watch thing), flamboyant action set pieces (the gun/fist fights owned), a whodunit that kept me on my thumbs the whole way and a slew of unpredictable plot twists that backhanded me silly like the buffoon that I am. Add to that, Harlin lacing his twisted tale in riveting visuals and you get an already hard-hitting trip, jacked up to an even more rousing level! I felt like I was in the ring with Ivan Drago, being pummeled to a bloody pulp from all sides! THANK YOU FOR THE WHOOPING!

The appealing cast and the semi-drawn out characters they interpreted also lent a helping hand in making the proceedings exceptionally absorbing. The players were all likeable to various degrees and each of their characters brought something crucial to the extensive mindrape going on. I treasured ”The Thing”-like conflict they had between each other and at how the slaughterer capitalized on their individual weaknesses to snag them! FUN STUFF! Granted, Slater and Kilmer fans won’t get their fill with both stars basically punching in extended cameos here, but that actually played in the narrative’s favor! Having a cast of mostly unknowns in the forefront upped the unpredictability factor in terms of who was going to check out next. I was lapping it all up like Colin Farrell licking booze off the floor! Now if only LL Cool J would die in at least one of his films! Is that why the Ladies Love Cool J? Or is it that tight tanktop showing off those bulging biceps? COME ON LL! BITE THE BULLET ONCE!! Do it for Arrow!

Unfortunately, "Mindhunters" did sport some shortcomings. It moved too fast for its own good every now and then, the characters took part in the occasional dumb-ass move and minor plot holes arose along the way. But to be honest, those flaws didn’t grate me much. The film’s heftiest muck-up took place during its last act where logic was totally discarded in order to muddle our craniums. The approach wasn’t fair and it didn’t make much sense either. SHAME ON YOU LADDIES! Lastly, the killer’s motive for his dire actions was “ho-hum”, to say the least. According to this movie, they let any “yahoo” into the FBI. No wonder our society is in the shitter! And is it me or do psychos have too much time on their hands? Just get a job, get drunk and get laid dude(ette)! That’s all you need, bro-ham! It’s all about the love!

"Mindhunters" was shot in various locations in the Netherlands including JoBlo's city of birth, Amsterdam.

Christian Slater’s character was named JD here, the same name as his character in “Heathers”.

This film was originally scheduled for release in April 2003, but the last I heard, Dimension was looking to distribute it in 2005.