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Monster Man (2003)
| Directed by:
Nailey Smith/Monster Man
Adam (Jugmann) and his a-hole bud Harley (Urich) are on a road trip,
heading to see Adam’s dream girl who’s getting married to some chump.
Yes, Adam wants to declare his undying love to her before she ties the
knot…silly boy. Their trip eventually becomes “A Nightmare on Road
Kill Street” when they peeve off some murderous ghoul who likes to amputate
people with his HUGE and hellish monster truck. Let the gore derby begin!
this highway, the road kill is HUMAN!
is a fine line between what makes a genre scene horrific and what makes it
funny shite. "Dead Alive" crossed that line, "Re-Animator" did too and
Man" follows in those very footsteps, willingly taking those extra leaps,
crossing that invisible threshold within its genre conventions and aiming
to be humorous. That was its game, sometimes to the point of
“spoofing” the genre a la “Scary Movie”, and you know what? It
worked on my toked up ass like a Dublin whore stroking my one leaf clover
(don’t ask, I don’t even know what that means).
its cue from "Jeepers Creepers" and 70’s like monster/cannibal clan
opuses’, Monster Man first offered some “déjà vu” ingredients, to
then crank them up to OVER THE TOP (no, NOT the Stallone classic) to reach
comedic peaks of high altitude. For example, the truck which the baddie drove was
more than just a simple motor vehicle...it was a freakin' monster truck
with the body of a Dinosaur, wheels
the size of my VISA bill and a beast-like persona to boot (I loved seeing
that truck roar). Eat your gay undertones out Creeper! The same type of
“big” behavior was applied to the horror jive and the gore set pieces
which had a tendency to leap so far off the chart in the extreme and
disgusting, that they cracked my silly bootie up. Let's just say, it's not
every day that you see a dude tongue a cat’s bloody carcass while sleeping and
dreaming of wet twat. FUN STUFF!!!
cleverly written banter between the two leads also slapped a grin on my
dumbfounded mug. The dialogue was "on" and the actors up to it via their
solid deliveries. Does hearing the connection between pubic trimming and
hood ornaments peak your interest? Do statements on silicone tits and
what happens to them once they hit the grave fascinate you on a primal
level? YES? Well, you’ll be well served here. The film also injected some
genuine knee-slapping sight gags into its narrative. Wait till you see Adam go “Velcro” on our
hilarious! And you haven’t lived until you’ve seen a girl ride the
pony while mimicking Yoda’s voice and spurting out his wisdom. What a
turn-on! I felt like a
better a-hole after viewing that scene. I’ll have to try that! DO OR DO
NOT, THERE IS NO TRY MOFOS!
the flat tire side of things, more often than none, the flick was too busy
being a comedy to fully capitalize on its hot horror spices. I needed more
balance between the laughs and the fear. Every time it started getting
tense, it would cut it short to be funny again. There was potential for
more suspense here! Lastly, the ending semi-grated me with the obligatory
explanatory monologue going on for way too long and the reason behind the
madness not really being that interesting in the first place. Could’ve
come up with something more swift and catchy than that! I know the
“explanation” was made to be jokey, poking fun at the convention, but
I just didn’t laugh or give a fudge about it on any level.
the finale made up for its initial endless yapping with the zany, clever,
giggle inducing (I cracked on the one-liners) and red wet messy scenarios
that followed. Add to that, a
hot babe in a school girl skirt in the guise of lick-able Aimee Brooks, a
well made twisted looking man-beast (Smith) with an F-ed up walk and a fly-by-your-pants pace and you get a very gnarly hour and half of horror fun.
Want to party hard? Dial up
typecasting! Eric Jugmann (Adam) played a parody of a nerdy, insecure guy
who’s in love with a hot chick in “Not Another Teen
Movie” and here,
he played the exact same role. Well, he worked!
Justin Urich (Harley) played an a-hole in "Rage: Carrie 2" and here he
plays a loveable a-hole. He worked too! Aimee Brooks (Sarah) was great eye
candy and nailed her part’s many facets while Michael Nailey Smith
(Monster Man) looked mucho threatening (big guy) and displayed some bang-on physical acting (loved the walk)
The Chili is
served yokels! We get a head crushed in a vice, some road kill licking,
amputated limbs, a crushed head, gross mangled up corpses, human remains,
a slit throat, pen in the eyes, an impaling and more! It's finger paint
ladies get both Jugmann and Ulrich in their underwear and us dudes get
hottie Aimee Brooks in her undergarments. What a yummy looking stomach she
had! Sadly, it seems that the broad likes to have sex with her top on.
delivered with a slick look, a tight pace, kool use of slow motion and
groovy emphasis on colors. The cinematography was also gorgeous. I adored
the way the hills and the massive clouds came off. NICE!
get some tacky pop music, rock songs and kooky ditties. Effective.
Think of “Monster Man” as “Jeepers Creepers” stoner cousin. It sported
similar elements as the aforementioned flick, but pushed them further to evoke
I would’ve appreciated more pure scares in my drink, but that didn’t
affect the flick’s “ride” value. With its strong dose of “out of
line” comedy, sometimes at the genre’s expense, and its extreme
display of gory goods, "Monster Man" had me having a blast in my seat most
of the time. Let this monster run you over!
Davis also wrote and directed the Keri Russell movie "Eight Days a
also penned the screenplay for the “Double Dragon” movie.
Man" has yet to announce a release date.
this movie on The Arrow's HORROR BOARD
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