PLOT-CRUNCH:

A spaceship with a sexy pilot (Charlize Theron look-a-like Mitchell), a convicted murderer (Diesel) a wannabe cop (Hauser), a Muslim priest (David) and a few insignificant characters (future victims) crashes on a deserted planet. On this planet a horde of creatures (cross between Hilary Clinton, an Alien and Chelsey Clinton) that only come out in the dark are lurking about. Guess what? A solar eclipse is coming up! Have a blast!
  

THE LOWDOWN:

This movie takes itself very seriously. It tries to deal with a lot of issues while entertaining us at the same time. I mean we’ve got drug addiction, sexism, religion, conscience calls and we’re suppose to care about all that…bring on the creatures for "James Cameron’s" sakes!!! I admire this film on a certain level, it tries so hard to be a great movie, to be original tackling a situation done a million times over (Aliens n all) and put a different spin on it. But in its effort to distinguish itself from all its predecessors it forgets one thing…TO ROCK THE HOUSE like it should. Let’s shed some light on this one.
    

Diesel Diesel Diesel, How can you go wrong with a character that’s built like a champ, can see in the dark with his white eyes, has a deep creepy voice, wears cool shades and kicks serious ass? You cant. Diesel made the movie for me. He’s just too cool! Mitchell (Fry) also holds her own, her character is the best written one and she plays it well…and we do get to see her pout a lot (miam). Hauser (Johns) competes with Diesel for creepy voice of the year (he scared the crap out of me in Higher Learning as the lead skinhead) and he conveys his characters unpredictability and dormant menace to a T. David looks and sounds silly playing the Muslim priest but that has nothing to do with his talent (he’s a fine actor) but more to do with the fact he’s playing a Muslim priest…?!? The rest of the actors are there purely to get slaughtered by the creatures and trust me, you cant wait for it to happen.
 

A few good moments (won't spoil them) but I must say the dude who loses his head gets it good.
   

Nothing female but Diesel has great biceps and yes his chest bounces when he runs.
   

Twohy tries real hard to give this movie a distinct look. He goes through filters like I go through kleenex. It looks good but sometimes its distracting. He also fails when it comes to pacing. The movie starts off quick, then seriously lags, then picks up again. Maybe if he had cut out some of the time he wastes on those "insignificant" characters and kill them off quickly, it would have felt different. He spends too much time on characters that we all know will be torn to pieces the minute we see them.
     

It fit the film well and complemented the action/suspense scenes like mayo on French fries.
 

This movie’s last act has a few memorable, original moments… The scene where Diesel goes mano-a-mano with one of the "Clinton Beasts" is pure unadulterated fun (never seen that before), more moments like these would have made the movie great. Also the whole unpredictability of the characters was interesting, you’re never sure what they’re about or what they’re gonna do…but on a whole this movie is slowed down by too much character exposition (never thought I’d say that) and way too much "Muslim" mumbo jumbo…I really felt preached to, I want to see creatures eat unknown actors not hear chants and Muslim philosophy. What was that all about??? It’s a shame cause it could have a been great movie…instead of just a passable one.
 

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