Arrow in the Head reviews "Poison"

Poison (2000)

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Directed by:	Jim Winorsky
Starring:	Kari Wuhrer/Ann
	Jeff Trachta/Scott
	Barbara Crampton/Nicole
	Melissa Stone/Darla

RATING

PLOT-CRUNCH:

Ann’s (Wuhrer) husband fails to get the coveted VP position at his job, gets fired and then commits suicide. Ann eventually loses her marbles and craves revenge. She infiltrates the dysfunctional family of the company’s new VP (Crampton) posing as a replacement maid and proceeds to have lots of sex and yes…kill…

THE LOWDOWN:

I’ll start off by saying that I’m a big Kari Wuhrer fan. I think that she’s a strong, underrated actress who somehow got stuck playing in Z-Grade sexploitation crud. I wish someone would finally give her a starring role in a more legit movie ("Eight Legged Freaks" might be it). But even in trite like "Poison", she shines through.

If the premise for this smutty beeyatch sounds a tad familiar, it’s because “The Hand That Rock The Cradle” was about the exact same thing. Woman’s husband commits suicide, woman goes nuts, woman infiltrates the family she blames, woman beds everybody, woman kills. Now we don’t watch movies like "Poison" seeking originality; we watch them for a quick fix of cheap thrills and blatant nudity. The good news is that the flick does deliver on the skin part. There are enough titties in this shite to make Ron Jeremy blush. The bad news is that the sex scenes are shot in an over-lit “Penthouse Video” kind of fashion and are fairly un-involving. The actors also don’t look like they’re having a good time playing hot and heavy. And it's for that very reason that Arrow Jr. did not point north, if you know what I mean. Maybe some lesbian interaction would’ve helped…who knows?

The film doesn’t score much better in the “thrills” department either. The diabetes thang was way too predictable to be enjoyable (and very similar to the asthma angle in “Cradle”). Also, how can I feel tension in regards to the family when they’re all despicable, selfish, half-wits? These mooks deserved to be fucked with! I was rooting for them to bite the bullet the whole way! My other qualm with the film is the presence of the dinky son character (Jone). Why was that chump even in the damn flick? He comes in, fucks the maid and leaves! Could’ve at least used him as plot device or had him sliced in little pieces. He had had no business in this trash and to be honest, seeing Ann get sweaty with that pipsqueak actor that played him was a major turn off.

So is there anything left to enjoy about this cheap trick? Well, Kari Wuhrer comes through gangbusters. I think she believed that she was acting in a real film because she leaves everybody in the dust with her solid performance. I also found myself enjoying the stupider moments of the story, like when Darla’s parents catch her getting banged out of her dumb blonde mind by some dude in the garage. Fucking hilarious! The film also offers us a nice explosion and Kari Wuhrer’s presence kept me somewhat interested most of the time. Overall, this dirty whore runs on autopilot the whole way and is really just a big excuse to show female flesh. It uses really dumb events to build suspense or slaps in convenient coincidences to move the story forward. It’s also too cold to be arousing or erotically stimulating. It takes more than a couple of boobies to get my motor running. Let me inject my own brand of Poison…

ACTING:

Kari Wuhrer (Ann) is the reason to see the film if you have to see it. She’s natural, focused and gives a very credible performance. She’s also sizzling hot. Jeff Trachta (Scott) also displays fine acting chops but that mullet he’s sporting discredited most of it. I couldn’t get past it; get a haircut, dude! Barbara Crampton (Nicole) does what she can with what she’s given. More layers to her character would have helped her case. Here, she’s just an unlikeable bitch. Melissa Stone (Darla) is far from convincing as the 17-year old daughter that looks like she’s 25. Both her physical appearance and her acting felt phony. Who cast this broad? Seth Jone (David) bored the shit out of me and his delivery was awful. The best example of his inexperience was his poolside monologue. “puke”

GORE:

No real gore but we get an off-screen stabbing, a bloody slit wrist and lots of silicone implants.

T & A:

It’s a tit festival! A blonde maid shows off her fake melons early on in a shower scene. Melissa Stone also gives us a fake boobie shot. Not wanting to feel left out, Barbara Crampton reveals her butt and her implants (nice job on those tits). Kari Wuhrer is the least naked of the bunch. She gives us a butt shot, prances around in a bikini and has a fully nude scene that doesn’t reveal much. Don’t blink or you’ll miss her left tit.

DIRECTING:

I don’t know what this film was shot on, but the image looked way too clean. I felt like I was watching a porno. Winorsky does slap in a couple of flashy camera effects and some slow motion to give the film some visual style. But he’s working with a bad script, his sex scenes are over-lit and un-erotic, the pace of the film is uneven and he really overdoes it in the “triple shot” department. I wasn’t too impressed.

SOUNDTRACK:

A tacky amateurish score and an awful rock song.

DVD FEATURES:

Released by Artisan Home Entertainment

IMAGE: This 16.9 Widescreen edition is passable although I did spot a few white grains during the film. Average image for a bad movie.

SOUND: The 5.1 Dolby Surround serves the film well, unfortunately the lousy score played louder than the dialogue so I had to dick with my volume a lot. We also get a 2.0 Dolby Stereo option.

EXTRAS: Nothing to go erect about in this department.

Commentary: Jim Winorsky (director), Andrea Rossotto (cinematographer) and Jeff Trachta (actor) all come in to chit-chat about the making of the film. I didn’t appreciate the pot shot that one of them took at an actor’s expense but did enjoy knowing when some “stock footage” was used in the film. Overall, the commentary is never boring, these guys talk all the time about absolutely nothing and everything. Rossotto is the quieter of the bunch. Were they drunk?

Trailer: The trailer of the film is actually better than the movie itself.

Photo Gallery: We get stills from the movie. Who cares?

Trailer Gallery: We get trailers for 4 other Artisan flicks: Tell Me No Lie / Seamless / Lured Innocence / Dark Harbor. "Lured Innocence" looks ok.

Director, Cast Bios: The most interesting thing I found out here is that Kari Wuhrer also puts out music, her album is called “Shiny”.

BOTTOM LINE:

If you’re a fan of Kari Wuhrer’s acting I suggest you rent "Anaconda" or "The Crossing Guard". If you’re a fan of Kari Wuhrer’s body, I suggest you rent "Vivid", she’s mucho naked in that one. And if it’s breast implants that you’re into, check out your local Adult Video Store or hit a strip joint. Any way you cut it, you can do better than "Poison".

BULL'S EYE:

This film is also known as “Thy Neighbors Wife”.

Jim Winorsky uses the alias Jay Andrews here.

Is it me or is the box-cover for this film a direct rip-off of the box cover for "Poison Ivy 2"?

Kari Wuhrer was born April 28, 1967 (one day after my birthday actually, I was born on the 27).

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