Three horny Yankee duders backpacking across Europe find themselves in big trouble when they accept a hook up to a slut haven Hostel in some Slovakian city. They wind up getting more than just a slice of hair pie as it gets “Sunday Bloody Sunday”.

Even though I loved Cabin Fever to virus infected death, I wasn’t 100% if Eli Roth had it in him in terms of going for the long haul on the horror scene. I mean how many genre directors come and go every year? Too many. But straight up: f*cking Roth has done it again. Hostel (which will hit the big screen in 2006) is the firm celluloid proof that the lad is not a one hit wonder; he’s here to stay within our genre loving club.

Hostel is what I like to call a heterosexuals' horror fan's macabre wet dream. You dig hot broads? So does Roth and he communicated that love by filling the screen with them left, right, diagonally, center and oblique (whatever that means). You boogie to vicious brutality, suspense and the red-wet stuff? BINGO! Roth delivered hardcore in that department too! I actually winced like a schoolgirl getting a wooden paddle spanking due to a couple of the bloody gags/fear bits on display in this one. NICE! Of course, Hostel was more than tits, tension and blood splashed all over the screen. We get engaging hip dialogue, appealing characters, stellar acting (Hernandez owned the movie), engrossing locations and a gripping reason as to the “why” behind the horror. Actually, to be honest, at 40 minutes in, I was thinking “The movie is okay so far”. I was actually a tad worried where the film wasn’t showing me anything I hadn’t seen before or going far enough to whip lash me off my seat to the front isle. But then it happened, the gloves were taken off and the rest of the film was a take no prisoners, f*ck you essay in genre nastiness and political incorrectness. I laughed, I cringed, I cheered, and I vouched to never…EVER… hit a Slovakian city. And I mean… EVER!

Any bummers? I did feel that the film took a tad too long to get to the point. Witnessing hot dames and horny teen laced parties are kool and all but it got a bit redundant. Furthermore the plot turn that sent us into the last act did demand some (and I stress the word “some”) suspension of disbelief. But at the end of the kill I was reminded of a valuable lesson some jerk once thought me; always judge a film as the end credits roll. Don’t bring the axe down before then cause you just never know. Who was that jerk? WHO CARES! Point being, Hostel; seemed like it was going to be decent for most of its running time, but once the second half kicked in, it brought it all home with flair and gusto hence becoming EXCELLENT!

All in all Hostel was a “Made for Arrow” spiel of tits, gore and out of school shite, that sported a set of balls that has to be seen to be respected. Check into this Hostel!

I’m gonna hold back here in terms of the details where I don’t want to give too much away. Lets just say that: a severed head, a bloody headshot, mucho human limbs, a open chest mess, nasty scalpel cuts and an eye ball “thing” that had me laughing out loud at how gross it was were on the menu. Bon Appetite! KNB comes through again!

Jay Hernandez (Paxton) was the better actor here and his character was one that I related to. He owned! Derek Richardson (Josh) aced it as the more sensitive one of the group. Good shit man! Barbara Nedeljakova (Natalya) not only had edge, charisma and a credible delivery but she had to be one of the most beautiful girl earth has to offer. Eythor Gudjonsson (Oli) nailed his comic relief part! I wanted to hang with him and bang the girls he was gawking at!

Bless the Roth where he knows what full-blooded heterosexuals want: Breasts galore, booties all over the place and even one full frontal. The ladies get shitless (or is it shirtless) dudes and one male butt-bacon.

Roth played it more straight with this one when compared to the fairly kinetic Cabin Fever and it worked. The “the way it is” directing style gave the ugliness at hand way more oomph. It should be said that he handled his suspense scenes like a pro! Good stuff man!

The cut I saw was an early cut with a "temp score"; hence I won't address it.

Hostel had the “Arrow in the Head” checklist checked and then some! Hot babes showing off them knockers, vicious violence, graphic gore, frat boy humor and a last block that broke mucho rules in terms of political correctness and good taste. I LOVED IT! Yes the flick did take its sweet ass time to get to the “fat of the bitch” and I had to pause my brain to swallow at least one plot turn but all in all Hostel proved to me that “out of line horror” still exists and that Eli Roth is here to stay! I got to see the uncut version and I pray that they won’t trim it down too much to get that R. The violence is one of the film’s main strength, don’t neuter this puppy MPAA or I might have to hunt you down to show you my scalpel skills.

Takashi Miike and Eli Roth both have cameos.

VISIT THE OFFICIAL HOSTEL SITE HERE