It’s hard for Donna (Snow) to enjoy her Prom with boogey-woogey Jonathon Schaech whacking out her friends and stalking her ass like it was a sport…real hard. Poor Donna…

Lets get this out of the way off the bat, it’s called PROM NIGHT but it’s not really a remake of the 1980 PROM NIGHT starring Jamie Lee “big cans/small penis” Curtis. The genius’ behind this masterpiece (of shit) acquired the name and made their own movie under it; too bad they didn’t make a good one.

On the upside, PROM NIGHT IN DIAPERS as I like to call it was well shot and slickly edited. It even managed to milk some tension out of its “generic to the letter” mold (that opening had me by the jewels) and that was a feat in itself. Furthermore, Brittany Snow really rocked it out of the park in terms of being credible and likeable, the dame will go places, she basically carried this film. And finally, I can’t front, I’m a Schaech fan. And seeing him play a baseball cap abusing nutso was quite the hoot. The Schaeck going buck wild on paper mache tween with a cool ass knife equals fun to me.

Alas, that was pretty much where the love-strokes ended. The rest of the film was as by the numbers, pedestrian boo-scares whoring and uninspired as they come. And to make matters even worse, it did all that while being dumb as f*ck to boot. I mean I’m all for suspension of disbelief when it comes to horror films, but this one pushed the envelope to “the audience will buy anything cause they’re idiots” level. For example why is The Schaech teleporting a la Jason Voorhees circa Part 7, Part 8? Last I checked he’s not a supernatural entity, he’s just a dude with a boner for a cute blonde. Moreover, if all The Schaech wants is Donna, then why is he playing peek-a-boo with pointless side characters? Just nab the broad and get the hell out of dodge already!

And was it me or did everybody WANT Donna to get killed by The Schaech here? Sure felt like it. The moment the cops found out the psycho was out, did they go remove her from the Prom and take her to a safe place? Nope. They left her there with some bogus excuse (i.e. shoddy screenwriting) backing up the trivial move. And once they knew the killer was whacking peeps at the Prom, did they FINALLY take Donna somewhere safe? Nope! They took her home where she proceeded to hit the lights and snuggle up to her boyfriend…and…. you know what I’ll stop right there… you get the picture. This flick was either lazy or stupid or both when it came to its narrative structure and justifying its chain of events. The dumb characters moves to serve the plot were so abundant here that I lost 2 brain cells and my will to fornicate in the process. COME ON!

Now don’t get me wrong, slashers are for the most part fairly idiotic but personally, I can forgive "some" of that jive when the goods are delivered. Some fly kills and a couple of boob shots never hurt anybody least alone me when it comes to the subgenre. So did PROM NIGHT at least get that right? Not even close. I‘ve fingerfucked dead lays that were wetter than this flick. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I saw a flick GO OUT OF ITS WAY this much to NOT show us ANYTHING. So at the end of it all, the main juice that kept me going here was rooting for The Schaech to kill them mooks already, so the end credits could roll. Thank you Schaech and f*ck you PROM NIGHT!

Fake blood smeared on people and on a plastic sheet. Yeah… way to make a slasher flick guys! Urg…

Brittany Snow (Donna) made it happen with her utterly natural and sympathetic show. Props girl! Scott Porter (Bobby) did fine as the token “good boyfriend”. Jessica Stroup (Claire) looked great, was capable and her ample melons gapped the rest – not much a of a part. Idris Elba (Detective Winn) owns in everything he does and here was no exception. Love that dude! Jonathon Schaech (Richard Fenton) was mucho creepy and effectual as the loon with the most. He should play “psycho” more often!

We get some "blow load here" cleavage shots and that's it.

Nelson McCormick made this crud go down smoother than it should have via polished shots and some random suspense. And he had a competent editor on his side too – always helps.

An endless barrage of “lets sell that soundtrack” pop music. Nough said.

You know what? Add guts and fill in the script holes and the film could've been decent. As-is though here's the PROM NIGHT math! A shoddily put together chain of events plus vacuous stick characters, minus gore, minus TNA, divided by lack of originality and absence of basic common sense equals: stale and moronic garbage. If Brittany Snow wasn’t as good as she was and I didn’t have The Schaech to root for, I would’ve hurt somebody in that theatre… most likely MYSELF! Funny thing is this subpar product made 22 Million in its opening weekend. You know what that means... MORE SUBPAR PRODUCTS TO COME! Who goes to see this drivel? Like really? WHO? Bugh...

Screenwriter J.S. Cardone also directed THE FORSAKEN and penned THE COVENANT and the upcoming STEPFATHER remake (swell).

Nelson McCormick will be helming THE STEPFATHER remake.

Hottie actress Jessica Stroup was the hot blonde in The Hills Have Eye 2 (the remake).

IGNORE THE PROM NIGHT OFFICIAL SITE HERE