Chris (Hilgenbrink) finds himself in too deep when his hot assed sister Nicole (Reeser) is half-turned into a bloodsucker by some poseur-cool vamp surfer named Shane (Sutherland). Will Chris manage to overcome mumbling Shane and his vamp-surfer-crew to save his sibling? Do I care? Meh…

I adore the original THE LOST BOYS; it’s an amusing, sharply directed and 80’s cool vampire flick with genius music up its ying-yang. I've been waiting for a sequel of it to be made for eons! So when I sat down with Dread Central badass Johnny Butane and his main squeeze Girlcreeture to watch a DVD screener of it at my pad, I was hoping for the best (I actually dug the film's trailer) but expecting something average. 

So 22 years after the first film what did we get? The prequel that Eric Red had written for Joel Schumacher that explored the origins of the vamp-gang from the first one? NOPE! The once planned THE LOST GIRLS that if done right could’ve given us a sexy, boobies inclined and “different” type of follow up? NADA. We get a low budget; undercooked rethread of the original… oh… okay…….that’s it? Ummm….thanks a lot…FOR NATHING!

I’ll give THE LOST BOYS 2: THE TRIBE this; it sported hints of wit and some intentional funny bits that worked (like how the gang kept teasing each other via pain or the quirky Aunt dame doing her thang). It also put out a couple of cute winks at the original (the return of the saxophone dude…LOL), amusing over the top gore gags and random nifty visual moments. But for the love of the boa that resides in my pants, who the f*ck thought that a basic and shameless repeat of the original was the way to go? Like really? WHO? This follow up didn’t only steal some of the main narrative beats and character dynamics of the first film, it also blatantly ripped huge chunks of dialogue off it. I’m all for homage; but them moments reeked of plagiarism and laziness to me. Make your own film dammit!

To make matters more grating; THE TRIBE went on to go against everything that made the original the gem that it is. The pacing was sluggish (especially in the second half), our hero siblings fairly bland, the bulk of the shooting style uninspired, the evolution of the narrative choppy, the subplots rushed and the music (which was one of the strengths of the original) lackluster. Moreover apart from the nutty black vamp and Shane the fanged leader (more on that douche soon), the vampire duders in this film were interchangeable and  forgettable. No Marco or Star here that’s for sure! And what was up with the out of a grab-bag vampire makeup? Meh, didn't do much for me other than evoke groans and flatulence. Result – I DIDN’T CARE and was far from IMPRESSED!

Which brings us to good old Shane (actually played by Kiefer Sutherland’s half brother Angus Sutherland), basically this sequel’s answer to too cool for school David (Kiefer Sutherland) in the original. Yes he looked the part, dressed foppish chic, was a perm whore and owned a nifty pair of goggles that I envied. With that spat,  his attempts at being “cool”, “seductive” and “mysterious” were pathetic and downright laughable. What about his "menace" factor? LMAO! Nough said. It didn’t help matters that he spoke like he had 10 Jamaican dicks stuffed down his throat. I couldn’t understand half of the shit he mumbled. On the upside, I at least got some good laughs at the character’s expense. Every time he popped up, marbling away, I was in stitches!

Stake on top of that the talented Corey Feldman; not working 100% here (the Frog shtick was aces when he was a kid, as an adult... it was a deuce), some random iffy dialogue, a YAWN cover of Cry Little Sister, annoying plot holes, shitty CG/green screen work and all kinds of fluffy scenes that went on for way too long (blatant FILLER!) and you get a gooey spit in the eye of the first film. My advice you either skip it and watch the first one again or down mucho Tequila shots before tackling it. That way you may LAUGH AT IT as opposed to picking up your TV and throwing it out the window. CRY LITTLE ARROW THOU SEQUEL SUCKS!

I saw the unrated version and the kills at play went buck wild on blood, intestines, grisly bites and severed heads. Lots of red grub to compensate for the crappy rest.

Tad Hilgenbrink (Chris) was on for the most part, but his role was too wussie for me to root for. Grow a pair bro! Angus Sutherland (Shane) had the look and wore a red cycle jacket well. It ended there. Autumn Reeser (Nicole) did what she could with what she was given. She was on and off. Corey Feldman gave it his best and sometimes I bought it, other times I didn't.

Autumn Reese shows us her ta-tas during her love scene – don’t blink!

Gone was the energy and style of the original, say hello to a basic shooting style (think TV Movie) with the occasional slow motion or trip out visuals to oomph things up. Uneven.

We get a chill guitar score that was competent but misused. Slow music to back up action? Yeah way to spruce up them scenes there… NOT! We also get a bunch of disposal rock songs and a subpar remake of Cry Little Sister (by Carafax Abbey) that belonged in an EMMANUELLE movie - not here.

I would've taken a film that retained the energy and the spirit of the original but with its OWN story to tell over this quasi remake any day. THE LOST BOYS 2 missed the mark 90% of the time. As a film on its own, it was occasionally entertaining, mostly for the wrong reasons. As a sequel to THE LOST BOYS… it was either an insult or a joke – not sure yet. Thank Athena that Johnny Butane and Girlcreeture from Dread Central were there to back me up on this one; otherwise I might have jumped off my balcony in drunken despair. This isn't a sequel - it's a lazy, coin challenged and clumsy dub of the first film. Can we get THE LOST GIRLS now? COME ON!

Look out more footage during the end credits.

Tom Savini makes a pectoral flaunting cameo in the opening.

A four-issue comic book mini-series exists. It's a sequel to The Lost Boys and a prequel to the Lost Boys: The Tribe. P.J. Pesce also helmed Sniper 3 and From Dusk Till Dawn 3.

PINCH A LOAF ON THE LB2 OFFICIAL SITE HERE