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Scary Movie 3 (2003)
| Directed by:
Ring", "Signs", "The Matrix Reloaded", "8
Mile" (huh??) and more movies are spoofed in this second sequel to
"Scary Movie". An 80-minute nap ensues.
I already wasted 80-something minutes of my existence on this obviously
edited to death unfunny drivel, I’ll try (I said try) to keep it short
for this review. I got precious moments of my
“life” to gain back.
are the biting Wayans Brothers (the lads behind the two previous Scary
Movies) and their excessive brand of humor. Gone are the R-rating and the
main Scary Movie regulars too! Say hello to a mostly new cast, a PG-13 rating and “spoof” veteran
director David Zucker behind the camera.
Zucker is the duder who gave us yuk-yuk classics such as "Airplane!",
Secret" and "Naked Gun" and surprisingly, even he, with all of his experience,
couldn’t make this piece of shite float above water. After the opening
scene came off flatter than an un-stuffed A-cup bra, I knew I was in major
trouble with this turkey. It showcased used up Pamela Anderson and
charming Jenny McCarthy in Catholic school girl uniforms! How in
Hefner’s name can you muck that up? Well, "Scary Movie 3" succeeded
in doing just that.
this sorry patch job that posed as a movie with a story, "Signs",
Reloaded" and "The Ring" were the three genre films that were poked at the
most. The bad news is that the gags went from half assed to bland, dated to
typical, in poor taste (what was that pedophile priest shite all about?)
to mildly amusing (the Michael Jackson bit)...and I stress the word mildly!
White, angry, rich and whining rapper Eminem’s film “8 Mile” was
also parodied in what was easily the longest “joke” of the movie. What
the hell does “8
Mile” have to do with the horror genre, you may ask? Absolutely
nothing. That was a “target audience” decision but it made no
difference since the bit also came out staler than Vanilla Ice’s rhymes. And
is it me or did having white folks (i.e "crackers" as the film puts it) act
and talk like black folks cease to be funny since...since...well…forever? It was
never funny! If I hear a white person say “shizzle my nizzle” one more
time in a film, I’ll bludgeon somebody with a dictionary. Freaking
add insult to insult to insult, once “Kool Kat” but now tamed “Poon
Hound” Charlie Sheen was so utterly wasted here as well. What a damn shame! With
the right material, the Party Sheen could be one hilarious mofo and anyone
who's seen "Major League" or the "Hot Shots" movies can attest to that. He
was given almost nothing to do here. Speaking of waste: Regina Hall, Anna
Faris, Leslie Nielsen, Eddie Griffin, Queen Latiwhogivesafuck and Simon
Rex all gave admirable performances, but even they couldn’t bring this dead script back to life via their energetic
presences. Hopefully their paychecks cleared on the first pass at the bank.
in all, "Scary Movie 3" was simply a safe, boring, childish, “target
audience-heavy”, test-screening-whored-out massive waste of
celluloid. I really can’t find anything substantially positive to say
about this crap. It just sat there the whole time, lifeless, like a broken
necked street-walker lying on the pavement after a run in with Jack the
Ripper. Can you spell GARBAGE? The Weinsteins sure can! I MISS THE WAYANS
BOTHERS! COME BACK!!!!!
Faris (Cindy), Charlie Sheen (Tom), Regina Hall (Brenda), Simon Rex (George), Anthony Anderson (Mahalik), Eddie Griffin (Orpheus),
Leslie Nielsen (US President) and Jeremy Piven (Ross Giggins) all gave
their all...it's just too bad that it was in the wrong movie. Denise Richards popped up for
one scene because she’s nailing Sheen in real life and Ja Rule showed up
in a thankless role because he’s Ja Rule and 12-year old white suburban
kids who like to pretend they’re from “da hood” love his skinny
We get a
decapitation, a dismemberment and Pamela Anderson’s beyond-disgusting
fake plastic cleavage. Yeesh!
get Pamela Anderson’s beyond-disgusting fake plastic cleavage (again…yeeesh!),
some chicks in little clothing and some guy’s white ass.
out here, it was all fairly generic. I will say that Zucker did a good job
at emulating the feel of the movies he was spoofing, but other than that,
nobody was home and I didn’t care to wait for the mailman.
I vaguely remember hearing some hip-hop tunes in this
flick and I’m happy that I have already totally forgotten them.
Wow, I didn’t think "Scary Movie 3" could manage to be
worse than the choppy "Scary Movie 2", but it accomplished just that.
This pedestrian “spoof” just went through the motions with half-baked
and bland gags in its backpack. Even the capable cast couldn’t make
this sit-down engaging. Maybe
I’m getting too old for this shit, or maybe the creative minds behind
"Scary Movie 3" ARE too old for this shit, but I didn’t laugh
once during this entire movie. NOT
ONCE! It must be said that comedy is highly subjective, so who knows,
maybe you’ll have a giggle fit with this “Fisher Price” crud. In
conclusion, to echo the gravely missed "Shorty" (Marlon Wayans) from the first
your papers, blunts, bongs, blokes, get anything to make a high nigga
pie… if you want to survive this wreck! In plain English: Fuck this
movie and the dead cow it rode on in. Save your money and watch the
that’s some FUNNY stuff!
Anthony Anderson's character was so popular at test
screenings, that additional scenes for him were quickly written and shot
while the film was in post-production.
The flick was shot in Vancouver BC
"Scary Movie 4" is already in
pre-production. Great…more garbage…
this movie on The Arrow's HORROR BOARD
back to the Arrow in the Head Homestead...
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