Thinner
(1996)
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| Directed by: |
Tom
Holland
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| Starring: |
Robert
John Burke/Billy |
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Joe
Mantegna/Richie |
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Lucinda
Jenney/Heidi |
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Kari
Wuhrer/Gina |
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| RATING
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PLOT-CRUNCH:
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Fat boy Billy (Burke) accidentally runs over some gypsy broad (his wife
was giving him head in the car…ain't love grand). The gypsy’s father
(some real ugly dude) curses chubby in the name of justice. The curse
makes poor Billy lose weight at an incredible speed and if the old man
doesn’t take off the bad spell Billy’s going to be erased.
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THE
LOWDOWN: |
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Another harmless "Stephen King" based offering that doesn’t
blow the roof off the house but is not too embarrassing either. I think
the main problem with the film is that the premise doesn’t have enough
meat to fill a feature length movie. Sometimes you feel the film is going
around in circles, killing time and there’s a totally unnecessary
"dream sequence" that was obviously put there to either fill in
the clocking time or punch up the film a bit. The film does for gypsy’s
what Rosemary’s Baby did for senior citizen. You will hate them. The
gypsies are strictly one dimensional characters, the film does give a few
half ass attempts to make us see their perspective, make them
"real" people but they fail. Another problem I had with the
film: I doubt a highly ranked "mafioso" would do a hit himself.
He would send his boys to do it. At least we get to see Mantegna have a
blast with a machine gun and be a badass, that’s at least worth a buck.
On a positive note the
film does boast a good cast: Robert John Burke and Joe Mantegna are fun to
watch, the effects are impressive, we get a few funny lines such as:
"The curse of the white man from town" or my favorite "He
was a mook but he was my mook" and the ending has a pleasant mean
streak. But I vote that Hollywood should not adapt every single thing King
has ever written. Some of his stuff works like a charm on screen
(Shawshank Redemption) others are just mediocre. Thinner is a tad too thin
to be a movie, but I’m sure it’s a great book.
Let's weigh this
one…
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| ACTING: |
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Robert John Burke (Billy) gives a great performance helped by fantastic
makeup, he holds the film together and his prestation keeps us watching.
Joe Mantegna (Richie) plays Joe Mantegna again…and I loved it. Lucinda
Jenney (Heidi) does ok with the role of the "maybe" cheating
wife….nothing more. Michael Constantine (Tadzu) plays the chief gypsy in
a very broad way. He makes everything big and we never forget that he’s
just another villain in a movie…not even close to a real person. Kari
Wuhrer (Gina) feels the need to yell every time she fires her damn sling
shot…that’s most of the acting we get. But I will give her this…baby
looks good.
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| GORE: |
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Greg Cannon does good. The "fat" makeup on Burke is incredible,
so is the "thin" makeup. The "lizard" man also looked
good and pretty yucky. We also get a few gory bits, my fave, being a hand
being shot by a sling shot…result: a hole in the hand…nicely done.
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| T
& A: |
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Kari Wuhrer almost shows us a nipple (little tease) she should have, it
would have made her performance more bearable. We also see Burke’s fake
prosthetic fat ass…now that’s scary.
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| DIRECTING: |
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Tom Holland who did such a great job with Fright Night and Child’s Play
seems to be asleep at the wheel here. There isn’t one moment when you
feel the director’s presence. Mainly point and shoot the whole way.
Holland wake up!!!!!!!!
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| SOUNDTRACK: |
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There’s a score…nothing memorable.
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| BOTTOM LINE: |
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This King adaptation isn’t a stinker (like Children Of
The Corn) or a big winner (like Pet Semetary), it’s more along the lines
of Silver Bullet (which was a better film). Rent it for Burke’s
performance, Mantegna playing yet another mafia dude or the impressive
effects. Or don’t rent it at all and slap "Maximum Overdrive"
in your video. There I said it…I loved Maximum Overdrive….It feels
good to be out of the closet.
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| BULL'S EYE: |
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This film was shot…in Maine USA…where else.
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this movie on The Arrow's HORROR BOARD
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