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Man is time going by fast or what? Yup we're already
saying goodbye to 2006 and saying on your knees and blow to 2007. Looking back at 2006
in terms of the genre, two words popped to my mind first and foremost:
"remake" and "torture". The "torture" subgenre that was made popular by the
original SAW hit an all new level in terms of quantity this year (the amount
of torture films that came out on STD was ludicrous) and hit a definite low
when it came to overall quality.
Same went for remakes, we got more of them
with much less care put into them. The impotent PG-13 stigma also continued its
trek; resulting in all kinds of watered down shite in theatres which
made way for "unrated" DVD releases that I avoided like an STD ridden whore. What do I expect out of 2007? I think the torture subgenre
will sing its sawn song after HOSTEL II
comes out, brings it all home with gusto and
there's nothing left to say. I sure hope so! I'm tired of seeing peeps
getting tortured and crave more "suspense" inclined offerings.
I also expect more
shitty PG -13 releases that blow the hard one and many more remakes, but
lazier. Instead of taking the same initial premise and doing their own film
with it a la DAWN OF THE DEAD remake, I anticipate further carbon copies
remakes i.e. the same damn film as the original... "cough, cough
THE OMEN REMAKE,
cough, cough" but with minor tweaks in tow to justify its che-ching inclined
existence. On a positive note amidst this red sea of garbage, I
still managed to find all kinds of gems to keep the horror fan in me alive
and satisfied. What I hope for the New Year horror wise?
MORE ORIGINAL STAND ALONES AND
MORE SEQUELS!
Who knew I would ever say the
latter! But that way I look at it, I'd
rather see a follow up to a film that retains its basic elements and does
something fresh with then than have to sit through yet another film that I've
already seen a zillion times (yup, remakes). To be honest; My Top 10 wasn't too hard to
put together this year, the groovy films stuck out like sore clits; so here's
what I boogied to in 2006. NOTE: Keep in mind that
THE DESCENT, a film that used
a quote from my review on its
theatrical
poster,
made my Top 10 last year, which is why its
not on this year's list.
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As the end credits for SAW III rolled, I half expected the words O-W-N-E-D to pop up on the screen as that's what the film did...IT OWNED ME. Cleverly written, packed with substance, strong characters, warped traps and hard to watch kills that made me their bitch, I couldn't have asked for a better way for this franchise to end. |
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Its not everyday that you see a movie pull off such a juggling act; horror, comedy, drama but THE HOST made it work and by result was quite the memorable arm wrestling match. Although derivative of countless other genre films, it pulled in its elements in such a fresh way that it all felt incredibly original.
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THE HILLS HAVE EYES remake was for me quite the improvement on its stepfather. It was bigger, badder and better when it came to acting, plot, visual style and straight for the jugular thrills/chills/kills. Granted, the pace could’ve been tightened and the characters made to be more likeable but all in all this superior bitter pill took me on a trip of chaos, monsters, gore, brutality and tension. |
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Cynical, downbeat, visually arresting, wonderfully acted (Who knew Paul Walker had it in him?), moving and violent as Satan having a tantrum, this bitter pill hit the spot with muscle behind it! Think a 70's type movie but conveyed through modern day aesthetics! |
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Hostel had the “Arrow in the Head” checklist checked and then some! Hot babes showing off them knockers, vicious violence, graphic gore, frat boy humor and a last block that broke mucho rules in terms of political correctness and good taste. I LOVED IT! |
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All the Boys Love Mandy Lane took itself seriously and winged it via its realistic cast, cruel kills, grounded feel and gritty yet striking directing. The dame also whipped out a couple of cards that hadn't seen in a while and that resulted in more emotional weight than your average slasher and a riveting final act that gave the whole an all new toxic layer. |
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Incredibly creative, unpredictable, hypnotizing and daring, this movie was a feast on an aesthetic level and threw everything at us but the actual kitchen. IT BLEW MY MIND! It put on display the right dose of humanity to make me think, feel and even tear up near the end as well. |
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A pure, masterfully executed and true horror film that nailed what it set out to do when it came to creeping me out, scaring the life out of me and having me sit up on the edge of my edge, even though the ludicrous amount of booze in my blood stream should've kept me down. |
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Far from mainstream and definitely not for everybody (my parents would snooze on this one) THE FOUNTAIN hit me where it counts, right here (points at heart)…RIGHT HERE! Emotionally loaded, skillfully acted, outstandingly distinctive, visually back-handing with a soul piercing score to boot; this genius dissection of love and death had me the whole way. |
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PAN’S LABYRIYTH was an oppressive, mucho emotional, uber gloomy yet incredibly engaging sit down that didn’t give me much of a break when it came to being left -hooked with bleakness. I mean even when the flick went Fairy Tale on me; it was still an upsetting experience with solely a glimmer of hope sparking about. |
FEAST: Looks like I got a new genre flick
to add to my "Watch on Halloween collection". FEAST was just that, a
motherf*cking horror feast! Well cast/acted/written, side-splitting, always
on the move, tension laced and red wet heavy, this one pushed all of my
right buttons.
ISOLATION: Although derivative of ALIEN and
countless other Sci-Fi/Horror flicks; this Cow Bran played the genre game so
damn well, with so much heart and balls, that it felt
novel. I guess setting it within a farm, with cows as culprits AND
making it work added to that vibe.
HATCHET: HATCHET wore its title well
as it was filled to the brim with hacks, slashs and red splats all around.
The knee slapping dialogue, the furious pace, the tight acting and the
countless number of breasts popping out kicked in to up the Arrow lovin too!
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MORTUARY: I
haven't given "half a star" to a horror film in eons but f*ck it,
Mortuary, deserves it! I don’t know what they were aiming to accomplish
with this mess (Did they even know?) nor do I care at this point but
whatever they tried to achieve, they failed miserably at it.
STAY ALIVE: They're
pulling another fast one on us with the sub par STAY ALIVE! Rating it
PG-13 to get all the kiddies in the seats, releasing gory images online
(that are not really in the film) to sway horror loving mooks like myself to
go see it anyways, not screening it for critics in advance, hoping for a
strong opening weekend (It worked! It opened third!) and then finishing it
all off with a sure to be released unrated
DVD that will make them more bread. That recipe is low man and I'm f*cking
sick of it! I'm beyond fed up of getting screwed!
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS: When A Stranger
Calls took the 20 minute opening and the 10 minute ending of the original
and elongated them to a 90 minutes run time by padding the whole with "dead
weight", hence posing as a
feature film
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© 2004 John Fallon All Rights Reserved JoBlo.com
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