PLOT-CRUNCH:

TromaVille, one of the most corrupt cities ever depicted on screen reeks of political incorrectness. People smoke weed and workout at the same time, other’s drink n drive and attempt to kill young children for points, truck drivers snort coke, old ladies get beat up, twelve year old girls get pimped, all the babes have big tits, the place is full of toxic waste and yes it’s a horny city. Melvin (Torg) a young ugly son of a gun is the janitor at the TromaVille health club. He gets picked on and pushed around all the time, until he falls into a container of toxic waste and transforms into a muscular, bald, tough bastard with perfect diction. He decides to clean up the streets by pounding criminals and the people that use to tease him into mashed meat. He also takes the time to fall in love with a big breasted dumb ass blind girl (Maranda)…but is he starting to enjoy the killing a bit too much?
 

THE LOWDOWN:

This movie is not half as deep or fun as I make it sound. Knowing it’s "so bad it’s good" reputation, I was looking forward to this film but unfortunately for me…I hated it. I must admit that in the first 10 minutes the movie got a few chuckles out of me…the kung fu transvestite wuz pretty funny and giving Toxie perfect speech was clever but I then grew tired of this crap very fast. I mean how many times can you see a guy get hit in the balls until it’s not funny anymore…my limit is three, I can’t even count how many times testicules get whacked in this film. In the second half of the film they put in a few car chases and a few explosions but it was too little too late for my bored ass. Lets mop the floor with this one…
       

Atrocious…everybody is so damn awful…and I mean everybody. I hope they all burned their SAG cards cause I can’t see anybody hiring any of these poor chumps again. I know the overacting was supposed to be funny but it drove me crazy. The only characters that stood out for me was Julie (Manion) and the blind girl (Maranda)…only because they had awesome bodies…I’ll get to that below…
    

I saw the cut version…but there’s still enough cheap gore to satisfy the gorehound in all of us. I hear the unrated version is all about the red stuff…too bad all the blood in the world can’t save this flick.
   

We got tits…lots of 'em…big ones…At a certain point a threesome fantasy popped in my head with Julie (Manion) and the blind dunce (Maranda) doing nasty stuff to me but that lasted 2 minutes and I had to get back to the movie. They got me back with a scene of a girl masturbating to pictures of dead people and a hideous sex scene between Toxie and the blind moron…that kept me going for a while but then I realized I should just go rent "9 N A Half Weeks" instead and get it done…that’s another story…
   

The movie has two directors. I was impressed by the car chase scene but I think it looked good cause everything else was weak. Another thing…they kept on re-using the same footage, creating montage with earlier scenes, an obvious method to fill in the clocking time. I think this is suppose to be witty…I didn’t get it.
   

Crap…but the worst was that "power ballad" they put on during the love scenes between Toxie and the mo mo blind chick…one of the most putrid song to ever grace a film, it was mental torture to hear that song and it was so damn long…over and over…
   

An hour and a half of my life I will never get back. I’m sure some people have a taste for movies of such low quality and I respect that…I mean "Toxic Avenger" is a cult classic. I guess I just don’t have it in me or I don’t get it. I really don’t get it!!!
  

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