I love a good slasher. I'm the guy that cheers in the back row every time
the killer offs somebody in a gruesome way. I was looking forward to
Valentine BIG TIME ! I was letdown. My slasher loving heart still found
some things to cuddle up to though. I loved the opening with its "Carrie"
reference. I loved the Cupid mask the killer wore (reminded me
of The Shape mask) and the grim Valentine cards were a nice touch. Yes,
most of the elements in this film will feel familiar to any real slasher buff
but I appreciated that. Kind of a mix of old school slasher (with its
holiday theme) and new school slasher (with the requisite opening murder,
What didn't do it for
me were the characters. First off, why are all the men in this flick
a-holes? Boreanaz is the only male character that's somewhat kool but then
again he's a recovering alcoholic and might be the cupid killer. It also didn't
help that all of the principal characters were women. In "I Know What You Did
Last Summer" for example, it was cut in half : the men had Ryan Philippe and
Freddy Prinze to relate to and the women had Sarah Michelle Gellar and
Jennifer Love Hewitt. Here I felt out of the
loop following these chicks around, I couldn't understand where they were
coming from (video dating??? what's that???) nor did I care. As for the
men, they're such losers that I didn't come close to relating with them.
What a bunch of f**k nuts! Basically: I WANTED EVERYBODY IN THIS
FILM TO DIE!!! (except for Boreanaz…I like the guy).
And the side characters
any better. That artist guy got on my nerves so bad (buy a razor dude),
the underwear stealer didn't die quick enough (nice demise though…beeyatch!)
and the cartoon cop (was it the character or the actor?) didn't convince
me. The subplots also blew, what wuz up with that guy trying to milk his girl's
bank account? I didn't buy that at all!
Then there's the
ending. I don't mind a good brain f**k now and then but this cap off hurt
me. I left the theatre trying to put it all together in my head but
I went, it didn't hold up a hundred percent. I think I know who the killer
There's still a
part of me that kind of liked Valentine. The slick style, the kool killing
locations (the TV land setting wuz the shite) and the very violent murders
(the Jacuzzi bit wuz dope!!!) kept me interested. It's a shame that the rest
was weak. Now let's break some hearts.