WARNING: This review contains some foul language and has an above-the-norm pissed off Arrow ranting. Reader discretion is advised. This review has been Rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America.

Let’s face it friends...we live in one hell of a fucked up world with fucked up peeps in it. You know the drill; people who had a rough upbringing and use it as an excuse for all the shitty things that they do, people who are lost and would rather believe bullshit than face reality, people who prey on the weak to make themselves feel stronger and people who use others as emotional crutches. Well, this film is about all those people. YIPPEE FUCKY DOO! What ever happened to standing up straight, lifting your head up high with pride and dealing with your issues like REAL men or women? GRRRRRR!!!

This tale is sadly based on a true story which made what transpired even harder to digest for me. I mean, are folks that stupid??? Throughout the running time of this flick, I just kept cursing like a sailor! I started off early by cussing the pathetic leader Rob (Fuller) non-stop. I was literally spitting gobs of saliva at my TV screen! I just couldn’t get over how Rob believed in his own bull crap. Sure buddy, you’re a vampire who has a coven in New Orleans…pleaseee…get a freakin' job already before I backhand your silly ass! Then to make it worse, I also couldn’t get past how his dumbass crew actually went along with it his asinine jive like blind mice in need of a heavy stomping. I’ve had conversations with sheep (I was on something, let it go) who showcased more individuality than these imbeciles! Which brings me to where the film is at most fault in this regard…

The script just never gave me enough background info or substance on any of these human trashcans so that I might actually be able to grasp why they would A) Need to run away from home B) Go along with this Vampire fantasy and C) In some cases, commit murder because of it. What were the reasons behind their actions? Hell if I know, because all I saw here were a bunch of twats with no spines in dire need of a baseball bat lesson from yours truly. Sure, I got hints of one dude getting molested in his past or some shite like that, but that wasn’t even close to enough to justify his actions; quit your whining, lift your sack and go get some professional help!!

The flick did almost get it right when it came to the endearing Kelly Krueger and her character of Heather though. The gal acted almost normal, was quite cute and I came close to connecting to her, but alas, the script went on to ruin even that positive “joo-joo” by making her a passive weakling. I’m supposed to believe that Heather was trying to escape this motley crew of nitwits??? Why should I? She never really tried to flee! Take that tampon out of your ass girl and DO SOMETHING! Pretend you have to go wee-wee in the bushes and run! TAKE ACTION! She did nothing, nada, jack all. In consequence, I felt no sympathy whatsoever for her or any of these kids and wished them all the electric chair and the gas chamber AT THE SAME TIME!

On an entertainment level, the story was told via two different flashbacks and unfortunately for my BORED self, neither one was interesting enough to get into. In fact, apart from the murders-- nothing really happens here! The film’s bland and detached execution didn’t help that either. Nobody and nothing is explored! COME ON! But the biggest drag of all was the middle section which entailed our heroes’ redundant road trip to New Orleans. How many times are they going to show scenes of them stopping cars to then have nothing but trivial bickering occur? TOO MANY DAMN TIMES! I mean sure this is based on a true story and maybe it really went down that way, or maybe it didn’t. Either way this is a freakin' movie-- give me some obstacles, some tension, some high stake situations…engage me man!

Any “nice” things to say about this cruddy clan? Sure, I appreciated the film on a technical level; the budget was obviously low, but director Webb still managed to inject some decent style into the picture and use play with sounds to "up" the feel of certain scenes. The actors were also all pretty good-- I didn’t loathe the performers in the film, just their despicable characters. Lastly, I grooved on the soundtrack and some of the punk/goth or whatever you want to call them tunes popping up now and then. They kept me awake. Best of all, the tape made for a useful beer coaster once I was done watching it.

This flick is based on a true story that occurred on November 1996 in Eustis, Florida. The Vampire Clan was a real group of white suburban teens who believed that they were real vampires. I guess the jail time they’re serving today must have changed their minds about that nifty fantasy. YOU A VAMPIRE NOW TOUGH GUY??? LOL!

Director John Webb is a graduate of Florida State University School of Film, Television & Recording Arts.