BLU-RAY/DVD REVIEWS

A mash-up spoof of the PARANORMAL ACTIVITY movies with bits and pieces of countless other flicks that have nothing to do with one another. Seriously, a one armed blind monkey with no fingers could write something better than this.

When spoof movies first became a "thing", they inspired fun WTF moments while sticking it to ridiculous genre movies that pretty much had it coming. Sadly, this recipe got old really fast, yet somehow Hollywood didn't clue in. And here we stand. Director/writer Craig Moss should be morally ashamed to show his face in public for nonsense like this. At no point was this film funny. At no point was this film entertaining. I was already checking my watch at the two minute mark. This was easily one of the top three worst films I've ever had to watch.

First off, I know PARANORMAL ACTIVITY is useless and all, and this does a good job at pointing this out, but it's hardly groundbreaking news and a non-funny revamp stocked to the eyeballs with tacky shout outs is not the answer. References to BLACK SWAN, THE HUNGER GAMES, ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER and a depressing pot shot at Bane are all in terrible taste and just plain stink. Add to that, fart jokes, peeing in a toilet until it overflows and a gay dude having sex with the robotic pool cleaner and you've got a yawn factory that could put even the most caffeine induced writer to sleep in no time flat (I needed two Red Bull to keep my eyes open).

30 NIGHTS OF PARANORMAL ACTIVITY WITH THE DEVIL INSIDE THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO sucks sweaty donkey balls. There is absolutely nothing of worth here. Even the chick watching the found footage tape (which is the film) says it's a piece of shit when it's over. She ain't kiddin. I don't want to see a midget's penis in popcorn, or the ripping off of the Ghostbuster's Ghost Trap by a couple wiener retards. Clearly nothing is sacred or taboo anymore, and yes, I'm cool with that if it's at least watchable, but in this case it's not. Sure, I enjoyed the two hot naked chicks making out in shower, but boobs just aren't enough these days (god help me for saying that). I actually need more to be entertained.

Behind the Scenes of 30 Days Of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo: If this movie wasn't insult enough, here's another few minutes you'll never get back. The tag line for this movie is 'Based on true events...that may not have happened.' This DVD being lit on fire is an event that may very well have happened...

Previews: There are a couple of worthless trailers to be found floating around in this pot of shit stew.

I could write another five paragraphs about how awful and uninspiring this movie is, but I won't bore you with more details or waste your time. Don't watch this movie. Don't encourage others to watch this movie, even if it's to make fun of it. Someone should be beaten to death with copy of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY for letting this garbage see the light of day.

Extra Tidbit: I'll give it half a star because the chicks in the shower had nice racks.