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American Pie Presents: Beta House
DVD disk
01.16.2008 By: Quigles
American Pie Presents: Beta House order
Director:
Andrew Waller

Actors:
John White
Christopher McDonald
Jake Siegel

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Tits.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
It's official. The "American Pie Presents" moniker can now be considered equivalent in quality to that found in the "National Lampoon Presents" variety. Whereas the first three AMERICAN PIE films relied at least somewhat on a story arc to go with the excess of female nudity and crude humor, BETA HOUSE continues to further remove that from the equation, all the while upping the ante on tits and over-the-top gross-out scenarios. The filmmakers forgo things like "plot" and "character development," both of which were at least partially attempted in BAND CAMP and THE NAKED MILE, and instead focus on the only thing they're good at: showing the female form in all its glory. So if you enjoy jokes involving throw-up wars, bestiality, and jizzing on your date's teddy bear to go with your soft-core pornography, you're in luck. BETA HOUSE may just be your new favorite movie.

The story, if you can call it that, basically switches gears every three seconds. Really, it's whatever the movie needs it be in order to get a girl to remove her bra or have Erik, the poor man's version of Jim (Jason Biggs, from the original films), do something embarrassing. The big conflict here, I'm assuming, is supposed to be the rivalry between the Stifler house and the "Geek" house. Yes, the villains in this movie are the smart kids. Think REVENGE OF THE NERDS, but backwards, and less funny, and with more horse cum being shot into people's mouths.

In terms of filmmaking, this is probably the most competent of the three straight-to-DVD pictures so far. Then again, this is also the type of movie where the director's greatest creative decisions come from picking the girl with the nicest rack, choosing what shade of color the vomit should be, and figuring out if the sheep-f*cking sequence should be filmed in a close-up or wide shot, so I have to wonder: does anybody really give a shit at this point concerning the "quality" of these films?
THE EXTRAS
The special features are about as substantial as the actual film.

Audio Commentary (with director Andrew Waller, Erik Lindsay, John White, Steve Talley, Jake Siegel, Meghan Heffern, and Nic Nac)

Deleted Storylines (15:40): There was too much story here, so they deleted it.

Deleted Scenes (4:26): More deleted stuff, in case you couldn't have guessed that.

Outtakes (3:46): You know the drill.

Exclusive Interview with Mr. Levenstein (3:20): An "in character" interview with Eugene Levy, who is so inexplicably desperate for a check that he keeps reappearing in these films.

Behind the Games (6:40): The cast and crew discuss the Greek Olympiad featured in the film.

Beta House - Not Just Another Slice of Pie (13:42): A summary of what you'll find in this featurette: Woah, dude, BETA HOUSE is redonkulous. It's so much better than THE NAKED MILE. You should totally check it out.

Boobie "Yule Log": Three 2-minute close-up clips of girl's breasts, jiggling about. Classy. There's also a final one with the fat guy jiggling his man-boobs. Classier.

Nuts About Pie (3:02): The cast and crew flick each other's genitals.

American Pie Presents: A Public Service Announcement (1:54): Hardee har. "Having sex and getting wasted is serious business." Lawl.

UGO's Foxy Fan on the Set (2:13): A hot girl on set.

Also included are two Music Videos ("Won More Time" and "Luv T'Day" by God Made Me Funky) and a full 30 Rock Episode, entitled "Hard Ball".
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Unless you've smartly avoided any of the "American Pie Presents" straight-to-DVD productions, you pretty much know what you're getting into when you watch this. It's dumb, plot-less, crude, and ample in its exposing of girl's boobies. And remember children, if there's a lesson to be taken from these films, it's that women are objects, and should always be treated as such. Ah, the wisdom bestowed upon me by BETA HOUSE. Truly a wonder to behold.
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