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Anacondas
DVD disk
12.21.2004 By: Indiana Sev
Anacondas order
Director:
Dwight H. Little

Actors:
Bill Johnson
KaDee Strickland
Matthew Marsden

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
A bunch of C-list actors playing scientists (unconvincingly) head to the jungles of Borneo to get their hands on the blood orchid, a flower that may be able to cure many serious ailments…except nausea due to exposure to bad sequels.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
The magic of Hollywood never ceases to amaze me. ANACONDAS magically got a theatrical release earlier this year when its fate should’ve been to be released in the 99˘ straight-to-video rental bin at your local video hole. The first movie, ANACONDA, was a great example of what a guilty pleasure should be. It had acting heavyweight Jon Voight hamming it up to the nth degree, name actors like Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson, Ice Cube and Eric Stoltz having a little harmless fun in a genre film and sexy bombshell Kari Wuhrer being yummy. Add to that the always menacing Danny Trejo as a hardass poacher and the result was a thoroughly enjoyable creature horror cheesefest filled with the liveliest assortment of CG snakes ever put to screen. The sequel has D-list actor Morris Chestnut and…and…and…

If you want to keep yourself entertained during the film, try to calculate in your mind what’s worse: the questionable acting or the generic screenplay getting-to-know-the-characters devices and gags the screenwriters try to “charm” you with. Another genuinely annoying thing in the movie is the captain’s shrieking, supposedly cute little monkey pet that the director cuts to about 40 times during the film for “humorous” reaction shots. KaDee Strickland’s (the female scientist) very thick Southern accent also got on my nerves, it sounded fake it was so pronounced. Trust me, this will really get under your skin and this coming from a guy who loves Southern accents. Oh yeah, the snakes are pretty dull too and the kills don’t even come close to being entertaining or creative. A movie like this could’ve and should’ve offered me a cheesy guilt-free Sunday afternoon hour and half of fun with abnormally large human swallowing snakes; but sadly, it had none of the elements that make a “good bad” movie work. When Morris Chestnut is the biggest name you got in your film, things are off to a rocky start. I’ve wasted too much time on th---
THE EXTRAS
Special Effects Toolbox: Creating Anacondas (10 minutes): The cast and crew discuss the wonders of CG snakes and how they’re going to concentrate on finding new agents in the weeks to come.

Deleted Scenes: There are four or five here, all spliced together. One of them includes an intimate kiss between Chestnut and the Jennifer Lopez look-a-like actress they hired for this movie.

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FINAL DIAGNOSIS
You want to have a good time without using your brain? Go to your video store now and rent either LAKE PLACID or the original ANACONDA. On the other hand, if you’re a Morris Chestnut fan, then…um, you still shouldn’t rent this crud.
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