That’s really pretty much the entirety of BARB WIRE. It’s an hour and a half of bouncing boobs, bubble baths, see through shades and the occasional gun fire, with the cracks loosely filled with a generic story, horrible acting, and low-rent action scenes. Based on the Dark Horse comic book of the same name, BARB WIRE is a transparently-veiled retelling of CASABLANCA, with the former Playmate in the Humphrey Bogart role. That might explain the 1930s retro vibe of the future, it’s almost as if no one involved with the movie actually watched the classic film and instead compiled the entire thing just from IMDB summaries and pop culture references. It’s lazy, poorly done and worst of all fairly boring throughout, though there are a few spots of enjoyably unintentional humor.
Anderson is exactly as you would expect her, a beacon of bad acting and awkward line readings that feel like a Saturday Night Live rehearsal. Her Barb Wire (real name Barbara Kopetski) is a part time bar owner, prostitute, and bounty hunter who really doesn’t like to be called “babe.” Two of those three professions are beyond Anderson’s skill sets as an actress and the result is sheer embarrassment. Seeing the blonde bimbo fighting a bad guy on top of a car being held up by a forklift being held up in the air by a crane is almost as funny as seeing her deliver tough-girl dialogue. (If you ever wanted to see the “Baywatch” star show off her acting skills in a serious war drama, you’re also in luck!) Even a supporting cast that includes such venerable B-movie talents as Clint Howard, Debo, Jango Fett and Udo Kier as Barb’s bald manservant can’t salvage this mess.
Oh, also, that opening bit is pretty much the only nudity in the film. In case you were looking for some sort of light at the end of the tunnel.
Extra Tidbit: Original director Adam Rifkin (THE CHASE, DETROIT ROCK CITY) was replaced part way through filming.