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Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos
DVD disk
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Chuck Norris and his ragtag team of ethnic super warriors battle the Claw and the ruthless Super Ninja.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
KARATE KOMMANDOS firmly belongs in the "I can't believe this is something that is real" category. It's undeniably horrible in every respect, but hypnotically entertaining as a result.

Each of its five episodes plays like an SNL "TV Funhouse" spoof in response to the Chuck Norris craze of the last few years…except it predates that by about 25 years. It's like a team of 13 year olds got together and tried to top each other on badass things the martial arts star could do. "Chuck Norris would use a giant anaconda as a climbing rope!" "Oh yeah, I bet he could wrestle an alligator that broke in to NASA!" "Screw you, Chuck Norris could fight a guy on a tightrope between a moving car and a speeding train!" (All of these things happen in the show, by the way.)

God bless Chuck Norris, but the man was not cut out for voiceover work like this. His monotone delivery makes his cartoon likeness seem like a beardpunching dullard. But the best/saddest part is that Norris really thinks he's helping kids with this show. Each episode is bookended with a live action segment featuring Chuck working out and imparting important life lessons that are in no way related to the episode to which they're attached. At the end of an episode, you'll hear "So next time you don't do well on a test, or you're getting picked on by a bully, don't give up and work together as a team!" Meanwhile the episode was about fighting zombies or riding super smart dolphins.

For much more on CHUCK NORRIS: KARATE KOMMANDOS, including episode guides and video evidence, check out the full Awfully Good review.
THE EXTRAS
Sadly nothing.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
I have no idea why this forgotten show was put on DVD, but I thank whoever is responsible. It's utterly mesmerizing in its badness and hilariously enjoyable for fans of cheesy 80s cartoons and/or Chuck Norris. Again, you can click here for a thorough review.

Extra Tidbit: The Black Eyed Peas were originally named "The Peas"....until they met Chuck Norris.
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8:57AM on 07/02/2011

He really....

...rocked the shit out of that ascot.
...rocked the shit out of that ascot.
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