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Cold Creek Manor
DVD disk
10.08.2004 By: Indiana Sev
Cold Creek Manor order
Director:
Mike Figgis

Actors:
Dennis Quaid
Sharon Stone
Stephen Dorff

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
The Tilsons (Stone & Quaid) pack up their two boring kids and decide to move from the hustle and bustle of New York City to a massive country house called Cold Creek Manor. Once there, the family hires ex-convict and ex-owner of the house, Stephen Dorff, to help renovate the dump. What follows is a sorry excuse for a thriller, a mystery and a movie!
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
COLD CREEK MANOR is the result of a bunch of has-beens (Sharon Stone, Juliette Lewis and director Figgis) trying to get back into the movie business by signing onto any commercial project no matter how sorry and lame the script is. Quaid better watch his ass too, he’s been making good movies of late (TRAFFIC, FREQUENCY) but if he doesn’t start taking responsibility for the movies he signs onto, he will soon find himself in the same position as his brother Randy - on the outside of Hollywood, looking in. This film is one of the most uneventful and boring “suspense thrillers” I’ve ever sat through. One of my guilty pleasures has always been “bad” thrillers. As long as they’re cheesy enough and have many ridiculous twists, I usually end up entertained on some level, but besides two embarrassing scenes involving some snakes and a horse (no, not Sharon)...this film has absolutely nothing going on in it.

The only acting coup worth mentioning is Dorff’s performance, which is electric enough to keep you awake, but nothing more. Christopher Plummer overacts himself into a corner and Juliette Lewis keeps amazing me with her streak of small and embarrassing movie roles post-CAPE FEAR. I also lost a lot of respect for director Figgis, known for his experimental and indie films. Dude, if you’re going to sell out, at least make a good movie and not this horsesh*t! Straight up, this movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It’s dull, slowly paced, humorless and predictable. It’s rotten to the core and gets one star only for Canned Heat’s kickass song “On the Road Again” that plays in a silly bar scene halfway through the movie. Shame on me for agreeing to review this trash!
THE EXTRAS
Cooper’s Documentary (approx. ~ 7 min.): Mike Figgis and co. discuss how they shot the documentary footage in the film (Quaid’s character is a documentary filmmaker) as well as many of the home movie sequences. I have no idea why they felt they needed to make this an extra feature. Who cares? I know I don’t, if you think you might, go nuts!

Rules of the Genre (approx. ~ 7 min.): This is hilarious! Writer, director and actors preach about all the rules one must follow to make a good thriller. Jeez, they actually know these rules? Could’ve fooled me! Anyway, this is interesting as far as finding out all the different areas one must focus on to make a great thriller but goddamnit, they really dropped the ball when making this film. It’s very ironic that they’re the ones telling us what it takes...

Deleted Scenes and Alternate Ending: There are 7 deleted scenes in all, as well as an alternate ending. The director’s commentary on all of these is optional. There isn’t anything extraordinary from the deleted scenes although the “Double Down” scene is worth checking out as it features Quaid and Dorff in a heated battle during a few games of pool. The alternate ending is pretty good too, although it doesn’t actually change the outcome of the story; it’s just a sequence that would have followed the climax of the film. There is a bit of “cheese” in the final moments of this scene, keep your eyes peeled.

Audio Commentary with Mike Figgis: Figgis breaks down his film extremely well. He isn’t the most exuberant speaker, but the commentary is nevertheless very interesting.

Sneak Peeks
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
This film is so boring that it’s not even worthy of a guilty pleasure. A great example of what happens when bad ideas and desperate actors/directors hook up for 3 months to make a movie. Don’t rent this and certainly don’t buy this. It’s awful!
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