Cyborg Soldier
DVD 
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Director:
John Stead Actors: Rich Franklin Tiffani Thiessen Bruce Greenwood Rating:
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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
A hyper-super-mega soldier pumped full of self-repairing nanobots escapes from his secure military facility (of course) and teams up with Officer Kelly Kapowski to discover the truth about his past.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Okay, who decided it was a good idea to let Ultimate Fighters become movie stars? I thought the new SCORPION KING prequel with Randy Couture was bad, but CYBORG SOLDIER starring the UFC’s Rich Franklin is even worse.
Franklin stars as the title character Isaac, or Intuitive Synthetic Autonomous Assault Commando (seriously) and he’s a horrible, horrible actor. Even playing an emotionless logic-based killing machine, he’s so bad it makes early Schwarzenegger look like Olivier. Thankfully his frank delivery of pretty much every line is hilarious. I would say you can’t blame the guy, as he started out as a fighter not an actor, but it is completely his fault. You don’t have to say yes when your agent asks if you want to be a movie star.
The film doesn’t do itself any favors by putting Franklin in a ridiculous plot either. At one point, instead of escaping, the characters—on the run from the law—actually go in to a police station to scan the cyborg’s fingerprints and find out who he really is. And there he finds a Bible. [Cue emotional crescendo] You also get your ridiculous story of the machine gaining feelings and emotions. “Aw look, the cyborg is sharing a touching moment with a little girl.” Eff no. I want my half-robot killer blowing stuff up and racking up a seriously problematic body count. I don’t care if he cries about it later. And sadly, there’s not much action to be found in CYBORG SOLDIER.
I can buy poor Bruce Greenwood as the villainous scientist who talks in monologues. I can even look past Tiffani Amber Thiessen, who you can tell plays a tough cop because she wears aviator sunglasses. What I don’t understand is why the nonstop barrage of poorly trained henchmen feel it’s a good idea to fight a super soldier who is bulletproof and can’t feel pain. At some point, you just gotta be like the French and surrender.
Franklin stars as the title character Isaac, or Intuitive Synthetic Autonomous Assault Commando (seriously) and he’s a horrible, horrible actor. Even playing an emotionless logic-based killing machine, he’s so bad it makes early Schwarzenegger look like Olivier. Thankfully his frank delivery of pretty much every line is hilarious. I would say you can’t blame the guy, as he started out as a fighter not an actor, but it is completely his fault. You don’t have to say yes when your agent asks if you want to be a movie star.
The film doesn’t do itself any favors by putting Franklin in a ridiculous plot either. At one point, instead of escaping, the characters—on the run from the law—actually go in to a police station to scan the cyborg’s fingerprints and find out who he really is. And there he finds a Bible. [Cue emotional crescendo] You also get your ridiculous story of the machine gaining feelings and emotions. “Aw look, the cyborg is sharing a touching moment with a little girl.” Eff no. I want my half-robot killer blowing stuff up and racking up a seriously problematic body count. I don’t care if he cries about it later. And sadly, there’s not much action to be found in CYBORG SOLDIER.
I can buy poor Bruce Greenwood as the villainous scientist who talks in monologues. I can even look past Tiffani Amber Thiessen, who you can tell plays a tough cop because she wears aviator sunglasses. What I don’t understand is why the nonstop barrage of poorly trained henchmen feel it’s a good idea to fight a super soldier who is bulletproof and can’t feel pain. At some point, you just gotta be like the French and surrender.
THE EXTRAS
Previews.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Stop letting UFC fighters “act”! CYBORG SOLDIER is your average straight-to-DVD actioner made all the worse by former middleweight champion Rich Franklin’s hilariously bad performance.
Extra Tidbit: Does being pumped full of nanobots really make you a cyborg? I feel like you need to at least have a metal arm before we start throwing the C word around.
Extra Tidbit: Does being pumped full of nanobots really make you a cyborg? I feel like you need to at least have a metal arm before we start throwing the C word around.
