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Den of Lions
DVD disk
Apr 4, 2006 By: Quigles
Den of Lions order
Director:
James Bruce

Actors:
Stephen Dorff
Bob Hoskins
Laura Fraser

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
An undercover FBI agent gets in deep with the Russian mafia. Boredom ensues.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
As much as I like Stephen Dorff, it feels like it's become a rule that any movie he acts in has to suck... hard. So far he's performed for us in such classics as ALONE IN THE DARK, COLD CREEK MANOR, FEARDOTCOM, and DEUCE'S WILD. And now, he has DEN OF LIONS to add to his deeply impressive filmography. *sigh* Well, on the bright side, at least he did BLADE.

In short, DEN OF LIONS is horrendous. That's all you really need to know, since there's absolutely zero redeeming value about it (no, not even Bob Hoskins - all he does is embarrass himself by wasting his time on this pile of feces). Strangely enough, though, my actual opinion of the movie isn't hatred. In fact, I really don't have an opinion of it. It's simply a blank block in my mind, taking up space. This is the type of film that you watch, and literally forget as you're watching it. Not after, but actually during the film. On the plus side, this gives you some time to just sit back and think about completely random nonsense. A few of my thoughts during the movie included, "I wonder what's going to happen on the next episode of LOST..." and "They should make a Batman movie with cyborg monkeys."

Not that this film really needs it, but I guess I should actually start explaining why this movie stinks like it does. Well, first off we have the story, which is either abysmally executed, unnecessarily convoluted, or just so incredibly boring that it makes things impossible to follow. My guess is all three. And then there's the love interest, which is as boringly by-the-numbers as you can get. Equally as frustrating is the movie's pathetic attempt at "style", which is nothing more than frantically choppy editing. Seriously, I could go on and on for days here. Not that any of this matters, since you weren't going to watch this movie anyway.
THE EXTRAS
Presented here is... oh wait - there isn't anything. Well, that makes my job easier. Hooray for me.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
For a movie that promises "High-stake thrills!" and "Full-throttle action!" on its DVD box, DEN OF LIONS sure did an amazing job of making me doze off. And that's pretty much your only reason to rent it - if you're running low on sleeping pills.
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