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Dinoshark
BLU-RAY disk
Apr 26, 2011 By: Jason Adams
Dinoshark order
Director:
Kevin O'Neill

Actors:
Eric Balfour
Iva Hasperger
Aaron Diaz

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
The melting arctic ice unleashes a killer prehistoric shark, which of course heads down to spring break in Mexico.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
DINOSHARK is clearly just an afterthought in the SyFy Channel Original Movie canon. Clearly everyone was more excited about the prospects of other creature flicks like SHARKTOPUS that they forgot to care about this one. The story is boring, the CG is even worse than usual, and the acting—all you could get was Eric Balfour, really?

Right off the bat, the main problem is that Dinoshark as a creature is incredibly lame, even compared to SyFy’s usual cast of silly characters like GATOROID, MEGA PHYTHON and (who could forget) MANSQUITO. Essentially it’s just an elderly shark with a T-rex face, whose giant body and tiny head make it look like it has special needs. Like its later relatives, Dinoshark’s only weakness is its eye, which means this unstoppable beast who is impervious to bullets and explosions can be taken down with a little dart to the cornea. And why are all these creatures drawn to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico? Is it the hot girls and laid back resort living? Or maybe the cheap tax incentives it offers to filmmakers.

Such a dumb lead character can only lead to uninspired action scenes and truly boring kills, which are the real reason anyone ever watches these movies. (Aside from nudity, of which there is also none.) Perhaps due to a lack of budget, but apart from one or two money shots (i.e. Dinoshark taking down a helicopter) we barely even see the creature attacking anyone or anything. The majority of the kills just involve people falling overboard and getting eaten in the water as it turns red with supposed blood. Nothing cool or exciting here, just the same “action” scenes repeating over and over.

And when Dinoshark isn’t onscreen, things are even worse. There’s so many horrible scenes of dialogue that don’t offer anything (take a shot anytime you hear a backstory for a character you don’t care about) and the plot is essentially the same as every other SyFy movie. (My favorite subplot is the serious drama about a girl’s water polo team, which we know will only serve as an excuse to get swimsuit clad girls in the water for a Dinoshark buffet.) And at the helm of it all is Eric Balfour, unfortunately, who is taking a break from stinking up SKYLINE. Balfour plays Captain Trace McGraw, a sailing expert who is about as intelligent as his name suggests. Balfour is an okay action hero (he gets one truly epic moment in the final battle), but as an actor—well, he can barely carry a SyFy movie. The best is whenever he speaks English to a Hispanic person, he talks with a fairly racist Mexican accent. The only bright spot is B-movie king Roger Corman, who cameos as the world’s only Dinoshark expert, but even that light faded when I saw Corman inexplicably listed as a producer on this piece of garbage.
THE EXTRAS
Commentary by producers Roger and Julie Corman and director Kevin O’Neil: Even though the Cormans are always pleasant, enthusiastic and a pleasure to listen to, I still find it hard to care about what nice things they have to say regarding something this bad.

Previews.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
There is really nothing worthwhile about DINOSHARK—the creature is boring, there aren’t any good kills, action scenes or nudity, and overall there’s no fun. Seek your cheap thrills from other more competent SyFy Originals, like SHARKTOPUS.

Extra Tidbit: Director Kevin O’Neill's only other directing credit is 2004’s DINOCROC. I look forward to DINOCTOPUS in 2014.
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