Right off the bat, the main problem is that Dinoshark as a creature is incredibly lame, even compared to SyFy’s usual cast of silly characters like GATOROID, MEGA PHYTHON and (who could forget) MANSQUITO. Essentially it’s just an elderly shark with a T-rex face, whose giant body and tiny head make it look like it has special needs. Like its later relatives, Dinoshark’s only weakness is its eye, which means this unstoppable beast who is impervious to bullets and explosions can be taken down with a little dart to the cornea. And why are all these creatures drawn to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico? Is it the hot girls and laid back resort living? Or maybe the cheap tax incentives it offers to filmmakers.
Such a dumb lead character can only lead to uninspired action scenes and truly boring kills, which are the real reason anyone ever watches these movies. (Aside from nudity, of which there is also none.) Perhaps due to a lack of budget, but apart from one or two money shots (i.e. Dinoshark taking down a helicopter) we barely even see the creature attacking anyone or anything. The majority of the kills just involve people falling overboard and getting eaten in the water as it turns red with supposed blood. Nothing cool or exciting here, just the same “action” scenes repeating over and over.
And when Dinoshark isn’t onscreen, things are even worse. There’s so many horrible scenes of dialogue that don’t offer anything (take a shot anytime you hear a backstory for a character you don’t care about) and the plot is essentially the same as every other SyFy movie. (My favorite subplot is the serious drama about a girl’s water polo team, which we know will only serve as an excuse to get swimsuit clad girls in the water for a Dinoshark buffet.) And at the helm of it all is Eric Balfour, unfortunately, who is taking a break from stinking up SKYLINE. Balfour plays Captain Trace McGraw, a sailing expert who is about as intelligent as his name suggests. Balfour is an okay action hero (he gets one truly epic moment in the final battle), but as an actor—well, he can barely carry a SyFy movie. The best is whenever he speaks English to a Hispanic person, he talks with a fairly racist Mexican accent. The only bright spot is B-movie king Roger Corman, who cameos as the world’s only Dinoshark expert, but even that light faded when I saw Corman inexplicably listed as a producer on this piece of garbage.
Extra Tidbit: Director Kevin O’Neill's only other directing credit is 2004’s DINOCROC. I look forward to DINOCTOPUS in 2014.