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Double Identity
DVD disk
Mar 25, 2010 By: Aaron the H
Double Identity order
Director:
Dennis Dimster-Denk

Actors:
Val Kilmer
Izabella Miko
Julian Wadham

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Val Kilmer plays an American doctor working in Eastern Europe (I think), who in a case of mistaken identity (I think), somehow gets involved with mobsters (I think), crooked cops (I think), “a diamond cartel” (I think) and a mysterious woman (OK that I know).
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Good God, how far the man who once owned Doc Holliday has “fallen”. I put that in quotes because, unlike other has-been actors like Cuba Gooding Jr. and Michael Madsen, who are forced to take crap movies and make direct-to-DVD duds, Val Kilmer never really burnt out. His last few major films (namely Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) weren’t half-bad. And so you have to think it’s not that Kilmer can’t do quality work anymore, it’s that he simply doesn’t care to, and that certainly looks to be the case here.

It’s hard to write a film review on Double Identity cuz I can barely consider it a film. The story is such a mess, so convoluted, with so many senseless and unexplained characters it almost gives you a headache. The whole film pretends to be smart by acting like there’s a grand mystery (by way of characters saying “Everything is not what it seems...”), and by making things seem complex when in reality, everyone is just talking in circles and nothing adds up.

The one thing that keeps this from being extremely laughable is Kilmer himself, who clearly has a jump on the rest of the direct-to-DVD ‘stars’ of today cuz the man can act. He does absolutely nothing original here, except stroke his fingers through his ridiculous hair about a dozen times, but even on his worst day he can act circles around everyone else in this film. That said, whenever the man tries to do anything action-related, the laughs begin. Poor Kilmer looks fat, old, and slow as hell in the few small moments that are supposed to pass for thrills.

If there’s anything worth watching here, it’s Izabella Miko, who while only serviceable as an actress, is absolutely stunning to look at. Wowie. But don’t get me started on their “love” story. The two say about 45 words to each other the entire film.

Val, I respect your decision to “do it for the money”, but as a result, I demand that you pay me back for the 2 hours of my life you just wasted.
THE EXTRAS
You know a film is going to be bad when on the back of the DVD case it lists 5.1 Surround and Previews as Special Features.

There's actually a preview on here for a movie called Midgets vs. Mascots, and it's exactly what it sounds like. I hope you're proud of yourself, Kilmer.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
No tits or ass, very little story and even less action, I really can’t think of a single legitimate reason to recommend renting this flick. In fact, it’s not even watchable on cable.
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