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Fat Albert
DVD disk
Mar 29, 2005 By: Johnny Moreno
Fat Albert order
Director:
Joel Zwick

Actors:
Kenan Thompson
Kyla Pratt
Jermaine Williams

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Fat Albert and his gang of miscreants around living happily in the animated world until someone in the real world is bummed out about not having any friends, cries on her remote and brings Fat Albert and his gang of miscreants into the real world. A bunch of unfunny mishaps and situations follow. And no, I did not just make that up.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Wow. Words donít even begin to describe how ungodly horrific this trash is. ďWhat the hell did I just see?Ē I asked myself when the movie finished. Then I took another swig of JD to keep me from talking to myself. Now, I know what youíre thinking and youíre right; I am an alcoholic. But the problem isnít that Iím an alcoholic. You see, upon my initial viewing, when Fat Albert leaps from the animated world through the television to the real world (via tear drop) and gets stuck because--you know, heís fat and stuff--I just couldnít handle it. ďAnother hour and a half of this?Ē I thought. Damn, this was going to be like a day with my relatives: I had to be good and inebriated to make it through the next few hours. So I pulled out my finest whiskey (Jack Daniels, aged two days) and my friends Stevie Ray Bong and Ashley Budd, and decided to make a day out of it. Where the problem comes into play is that the more I was partaking in my extracurricular activities while watching the movie, the more I became sober. Huh? Thatís not supposed to happen. So I increased my intake. By the end of the movie, I was stone sober. Really! What a waste of money, I thought. Things were starting to get weird. Maybe I needed to watch it again.

About midway through the flick the second time around, I noticed a small spider scurrying across the TV; right across Fat Albertís face and disappearing over the top of the TV. That spider ended up in the corner of the wall and began to spin a web. Fascinating! I stood up to get a better view, and standing in front of it, I watched.this little eight legged wonder build the most elaborate web. By the time my bottle of Jack was done, the spider had managed to seclude itself in this web of webs, this fortress of solitude, away from the rest of the world. Amazing! Satisfied at my acute attention to studying the spiderís habits, I sat back down on the couch to find that the movie was over. Damn it!

In short: the kid from GOOD BURGER is not only not funny (which explains the whole Saturday Night Live gig), but he makes a cartoon that was unfunny to begin with even worse; the story is so bad it makes THE PHANTOM MENACE look like the frigginí GODFATHER, the cameos are horrendous and as a whole, the movie caused me to go to anger management classes after I smashed anything that bore any remote relation to Fat Albert in a four block radius. (Sorry Dad!)
THE EXTRAS
Feature Commentary with director Joel Zwick and producer John Davis: Despite my rant above, I really hate to dog anyone thatís actually putting forth the time and effort to produce art. That is all to say, if thatís what they were producing: art. But these guys make it too easy. It scares me that these two cats actually believe in their product, which is all it is: product, not art. Just like toilet paper is product, antacids are a product, underwear is a product. All of which I purchased immediately after hearing this commentary track. No dead air at all, but their blind faith in the movie kinda made me miss the dead air.

Fat Albert: Behind the Band: Featurette on Fat Albertís band discussing why they need to tune up their sound to something more modern.

Inside Look: This is basically a look at whatís up and coming for projects released by Fox Studios. Most of which look a helluva lot better than Fat Albert.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
This is a definite buy if youíre into the whole masochistic, pain loving culture. If youíre not, you need to stay as far away from this as you can. Real far away. As a matter of fact, pretend like this was never released, and I never wrote this review. Even if youíre mildly curious about it, stay away. Youíll feel better about things. I swear to God you will.
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