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Gallowwalkers
DVD disk
Sep 11, 2013 By: J.A. Hamilton
Gallowwalkers order download
Director:
Andrew Goth

Actors:
Wesley Snipes
Kevin Howarth
Riley Smith

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
When the woman he loves is violated by a gang of thugs, a lone gunman kills them and then dies himself. His mother then breaks her covenant with God to resurrect him, which in turn, resurrects those he killed. Yes, Iím serious.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Oh boy. So apparently this was shot somewhere between 2006 and 2008, after Snipesí BLADE days and before he hit the big house. Itís also rumored that the estimated budget was 17 million. If so, someone got insanely ripped off. At first glance this looks like BLADE set in the wild westóI honestly thought it was about him fighting vampires, but it turns out theyíre being labelled Ďzombiesí, which of course, is quite a stretch. Honestly, I canít tell you what these Gallowwalkers are because clearly, even the writers have no idea. The plot holes in their storyline/explanation are big enough to drive through, so eventually I gave up trying to make sense of it. Needless to say, it ainít pretty.

Snipes definitely emulates his Blade character with very few words spoken, and one liners that make TWILIGHT look clever. His monologue driven backstory is about as good as it gets, but I have to laugh as itís damn near identical to that of Marcus Van Sciver, the main villain from BLADE: THE SERIES. Swap out the fact that their vampires and youíve got a copyright infringement. And speaking of which, they better hope Clive Barker doesnít watch this (Iím sure heís got better things to do), because the introduction to these Gallowwakers and how they use skin and flesh is also damn close to how itís done in HELLRAISER. To say that this flick steals from just about every horror franchise out there in an attempt to put something on screen that isnít completely translucent would be an understatement.

GALLOWWALKERS is an insulting waste of time, money and talent (the last one being debatable). The characters are cartoonish (Iíve never seen such a laughable, over-the-top villain, hamming it up like thereís no tomorrow), with names so awful I canít even begin to wonder who let them slide. This movie feels like an acid dream re-told at a party as a joke. Thereís no real plot, no explanation for whatís going on (aside from a vague revenge angle for Snipes), no imagination put into the fighting, zero character backgroundóseriously, who was Angel, other than two boobs fighting to see which could pop out of her corset first? Iím starting to think maybe Snipes went to jail over this mess rather than tax evasion.
THE EXTRAS
Behind the Scenes with Interviews: Why anyone would do an interview and associate themselves with this nonsense is beyond me. Poor Wesley Snipes, youíd better pray your EXPENDABLES 3 performance squeezes you back into the fold.

Previews: There are a few trailers as well as a Digital and Ultraviolet Copy of the film.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
This is one of those train wrecks you see through to the end out of morbid curiosity and then never speak of the ordeal again. What? GALLOWWALKERS? Never heard of it.
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4:12AM on 09/11/2013
Watch this recently. Totally agree. What a waste of time. Everything in it is bad.
Watch this recently. Totally agree. What a waste of time. Everything in it is bad.
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10:58AM on 09/11/2013
I've been waiting years to finally see this movie. Can't wait to buy it!
I've been waiting years to finally see this movie. Can't wait to buy it!
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1:21PM on 09/11/2013
Maybe I should just watch Passenger 57 to relive the good feelings I still have for him.
Maybe I should just watch Passenger 57 to relive the good feelings I still have for him.
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