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It Waits
DVD disk
06.06.2006 By: Matt Hosack
It Waits order
Director:
Steven R. Monroe

Actors:
Cerina Vincent
Dominic Zamprogna
Greg Kean

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Nothing
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
If that plot description wasn’t good enough for you, then try not to commit suicide when watching this menace to society. We often use this phrase casually BUT in this case, it REALLY applies – IT WAITS is in fact the WORST film ever made. It makes HOUSE OF THE DEAD look genius, and at the very least that had “entertainment.” Ok, so a chick is a Ranger in a cabin. 60 minutes go by and absolutely NOTHING has happened. No creature, no nudity, no nothing. When the dude in a rubber suit shows up, the “creature” runs around and slaps at people with his rubber claws. If this sounds humorous, it isn’t. The only shred of decent filmmaking in this picture, is when an Indian Phillip Seymour Hoffman type shows up for like 2 minutes and does his best MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III impersonation talking about the creature. He immediately just disappears with no explanation and we’re back to a dude running around in a rubber suit. The ending of this “film” is beyond mundane.

It’s films like this that just make a reviewer like myself depressed. I’m REALLY tired of this sh*t! I hope the director, the cast, the crew, and everyone involved with this mother burn in hell for all eternity.
THE EXTRAS
Audio Commentary with Director Steven R. Monroe and Star Cerina Vincent >> Just like the movie, the audio commentary is god-awful. There is no coherent train of thought and the dude just kept talking about his wife.

Featurette: Blood on The Pines >> 20 min > Slightly more interesting than the film, this “talkette” is the filmmakers trying to explain their idea of what the film is.

The Trailer is a good indication of how bad this film is, and since when did Steven Monroe become an acclaimed writer and director?
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
If you have graciously taken the time to read any part of this review, just know that IT WAITS is the sledge on the shoe of filmmaking. There is not one redeeming quality or cool moment in the entire feature. Adding to this, are some nonsensical talky special features. You’ve wasted enough time reading this review, don’t waste any more by watching the film.

Props 2 > Sam Raimi, Lucio Fulci, and Dario Argento

Final D > The Wise Shall Avoid

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