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Jewel of the Nile (SE)
DVD disk
Aug 31, 2006 By: Jason Adams
Jewel of the Nile (SE) order
Director:
Lewis Teague

Actors:
Michael Douglas
Kathleen Turner
Danny DeVito

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
After sailing in to the sunset at the end of ROMANCING THE STONE, our protagonists arent exactly living the fairytale ending from one of Joans books. Jack wants to continue his carefree sail around the world, but Joan wants to return to her stable life in New York. But when his woman is whisked away to Africa to write the biography of an evil sheik, Jack must rescue her and discover the secret behind the Jewel of the Nile.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
In one word: terrible. This sequel takes any of the mindless fun that was present in ROMANCING THE STONE and turns it into an experience akin to eating a bowl of sand. What exactly is so bad about this movie?

1) Terrible acting. Neither Douglas nor Turner tries very hard in JEWEL OF THE NILE. The chemistry from the first movie is all but gone and replaced half the time by whiny, joyless bickering. The other half is gaudy slapstick that just feels out of place. The rest of the characters are just caricatures and stereotypes.

2) Terrible production values. About midway through, Douglas and Turner steal a fighter jet that is obviously a paper mch frame built around the outside of an old car. And they cant afford to have a real flying airplane, so it just drives around on the ground.

3) Terrible pop music. The nomadic Arabs actually dance to disco in the desert.

4) Terrible dialogue. Here are a few examples. (Keep in mind these are all said with the utmost seriousness):
  • Jack would never die without telling me!

  • If we get out of this alive, Im going to kill you!

  • Im gonna stick you up a camels ass.
    I think I might like it.

  • Your ass is grass and Im a lawnmower!
The only good thing in this travesty is Danny DeVito. His mean-spirited comic relief is at least entertaining. And you havent experienced true comedy until youve seen a donkey sit on a 411 former cast member of Taxi.
THE EXTRAS
Aside from the commentary, most of these special features are obviously leftovers from the ROMANCING THE STONE DVD. Obviously no one wants to revisit this movie.

Commentary by director Lewis Teague: Teague comes across as a very nice and well-meaning filmmaker. His blatant style gave me hope that the commentary would be honest about the movie (and where it went wrong); however, Teague lost me once he started talking about how much he strove to achieve realism in the film. Realism?! Has he even watched JEWEL OF THE NILE?

Romancing The Nile: A Winning Sequel (20:55): You can tell Michael Douglas completely regrets making this movie. He talks about the bond between him and the other actors, how much fun it was to shoot on location, and how it was the only sequel hes ever done, but he completely skirts around the movie itself.

Adventures of a Romance Novelist (8:01): Pretty much just recaps the plot of the two movies.

Deleted Scenes (5:30): Six extended and deleted segments. Unfortunately, more of a bad thing is never good.

A Theatrical Trailer too.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
A cheap cash-in that sullies the good name of the original ROMANCING THE STONE. Avoid it like Danny DeVito avoids being tall.
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