No, Iím just kidding. Itís a sorry excuse to see Arnold Schwarzenegger run around for 90 minutes acting like a complete jackass.
Seriously, what an awful movie. The majority of the film follows the Governator as he does whatever it takes to get his son a Turbo Man doll, which mainly consists of despicable, law-breaking acts. Hereís a list of things our ďheroĒ does in JINGLE ALL THE WAY: tries to steal toys from children · impersonates a police officer · fights a warehouse full of Santas · punches a reindeer (and then gets it drunk) · causes several counts of property damage · sets fire to his neighborís house · attempts a hit and run with a police motorcycle · is an accessory to the bombing of a radio station. Or how about this: at the movieís hilarious climax, Sinbad is actually willing to kill a child for a toy. (Merry Christmas!!) Maybe if the movie was actually funny I could ignore it, but this is just heartless garbage.
The above all takes place before what is surely one of the most amazing finales ever put on film, where the two main characters become a superhero and supervillain with fully functioning costumes and weapons. Arnold Schwarzenegger literally turns in to the Rocketeer, but without a curvaceous Jennifer Connelly backing him up. (Although a MILFy Rita Wilson isnít too bad either.) Itís an ending so ridiculous itís almost worth watching. Almost. Even supporting turns by the great Phil Hartman and Curtis Armstrong canít save this movie.
Yes, itís a dumb flick for children that Iím taking seriously. Iím sure kids will probably laugh at the wacky hijinks, but is a ďYou get whatever you want no matter the consequences!Ē message really something you want to instill in them? Sometimes children need to be taught about disappointment too. It builds character.
The Making of a Hero (15:29): A feature on creating the iconic Turbo Man and his costume, featuring new interviews with the crew (except Schwarzenegger, who is seen circa 1996.)
Super Kids (8:13): A bunch of random kids talk about why they like superheroes and which one they would be. I would say something snarky here, but I donít want to make fun of children.
Turbo Man: Behind The Mask (8:18): A parody of VH1ís Behind The Music, centering on Turbo Manís former popularity and eventual fall from stardom. Wow. Ignoring the fact that this isnít funny, who exactly is supposed to watch this? Children will be bored by the mockumentary style and I hope adults have better things to do.
Thereís also a Photo Gallery and two Games.
Extra Tidbit: Okay, while Iím being generous, another possible redeeming factor of JINGLE ALL THE WAY is that it marks the first glorious reunion of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jim Belushi since RED HEAT.