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Jingle All The Way (SE)
DVD disk
10.26.2007 By: Jason Adams
Jingle All The Way (SE) order
Director:
Brian Levant

Actors:
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Sinbad
Rita Wilson

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
When a man forgets to buy his son the holiday seasonís hottest action figure, he must scramble on Christmas Eve to track one down at all costsóeven if it means fighting other parents, breaking laws and endangering human life.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
JINGLE ALL THE WAY is a shocking exposť on consumerism and a clever critique of the plight the average parent-child dynamic faces in our modern materialistic culture.

No, Iím just kidding. Itís a sorry excuse to see Arnold Schwarzenegger run around for 90 minutes acting like a complete jackass.

Seriously, what an awful movie. The majority of the film follows the Governator as he does whatever it takes to get his son a Turbo Man doll, which mainly consists of despicable, law-breaking acts. Hereís a list of things our ďheroĒ does in JINGLE ALL THE WAY: tries to steal toys from children · impersonates a police officer · fights a warehouse full of Santas · punches a reindeer (and then gets it drunk) · causes several counts of property damage · sets fire to his neighborís house · attempts a hit and run with a police motorcycle · is an accessory to the bombing of a radio station. Or how about this: at the movieís hilarious climax, Sinbad is actually willing to kill a child for a toy. (Merry Christmas!!) Maybe if the movie was actually funny I could ignore it, but this is just heartless garbage.

The above all takes place before what is surely one of the most amazing finales ever put on film, where the two main characters become a superhero and supervillain with fully functioning costumes and weapons. Arnold Schwarzenegger literally turns in to the Rocketeer, but without a curvaceous Jennifer Connelly backing him up. (Although a MILFy Rita Wilson isnít too bad either.) Itís an ending so ridiculous itís almost worth watching. Almost. Even supporting turns by the great Phil Hartman and Curtis Armstrong canít save this movie.

Yes, itís a dumb flick for children that Iím taking seriously. Iím sure kids will probably laugh at the wacky hijinks, but is a ďYou get whatever you want no matter the consequences!Ē message really something you want to instill in them? Sometimes children need to be taught about disappointment too. It builds character.
THE EXTRAS
This single-disc Family Fun Edition features both the theatrical and extended versions. The extended version offers a whopping five minutes of worthless footage. The DVD offers three worthless extras. Enjoy.

The Making of a Hero (15:29): A feature on creating the iconic Turbo Man and his costume, featuring new interviews with the crew (except Schwarzenegger, who is seen circa 1996.)

Super Kids (8:13): A bunch of random kids talk about why they like superheroes and which one they would be. I would say something snarky here, but I donít want to make fun of children.

Turbo Man: Behind The Mask (8:18): A parody of VH1ís Behind The Music, centering on Turbo Manís former popularity and eventual fall from stardom. Wow. Ignoring the fact that this isnít funny, who exactly is supposed to watch this? Children will be bored by the mockumentary style and I hope adults have better things to do.

Thereís also a Photo Gallery and two Games.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Nothing says Christmas like an enraged Arnold beating up Rudolph. Teach your kids the real meaning of the holidays and show them a better Christmas story, like A CHRISTMAS STORY. The only good thing about JINGLE ALL THE WAY is that it makes a great joke on the Conan OíBrien show ten years later.

Extra Tidbit: Okay, while Iím being generous, another possible redeeming factor of JINGLE ALL THE WAY is that it marks the first glorious reunion of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jim Belushi since RED HEAT.
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