M. Night Shyamalan
Bryce Dallas Howard
The narf named Story is played by the beyond dull Bryce Dallas Howard, who brings a message to mankind…and the cure for the common stutter. I’m still not sure, though, why exactly our courageous superintendent is so gullible and willing to help a fictional creature…isn’t he busy unclogging toilets filled with pages from this script?
And from there, we have one hell of a forced ride that should have stayed a bedtime story for Night’s kiddies. Shyamalan writes like a madman (not in that Hemingway manner, either), his mind filled with outlandish ideas that he childishly constructs to fit what he’d like to see.
Each resident seems to know a little bit about how to return Story to her imaginary world, and every single one of the characters speaks as a D-student in Philosophy 101, which makes for quite the pretentious group. They get their wisdom from various sources: crossword puzzles, movies, and yes, even cereal boxes.
I’ve never been a fan of Shyamalan (sans Unbreakable) or his “clever little ideas” (though he certainly creates a suitable atmosphere here), and feel he is one of the most arrogant men in Hollywood. Watching Lady I can’t help but officially know he is. What sort of director casts himself in one of the lead roles as a writer whose future works will inspire the world? Well, at least Night can envision what he’d like to accomplish, yet fails to be.
This film is so outlandishly horrid that I am growing frustrated as I continue to write. This is straight-to-video material at best that should be chained and left at the bottom of a sea.
Reflections of Lady In The Water (34:45): A breezy, hence depthless 6-part documentary chronicling the origins of the story, casting, set design, score, etc.. Despite my hating the movie (and constant M. Night appearances), the doc was fascinating and has some solid behind-the-scenes footage and info on those grass-dogs (or whatever fancy name Night gave them). Fans of the film will love this feature.
Auditions (2:10): This was actually supposed to be a funny bit. So if you like to see Smoker-hopefuls pretend to puke their guts out, this is for you!
Gag Reel (3:15): Also supposed to give you a laugh. Giamatti is worth checking out, but that's about it.
Deleted Scenes (5:01): A handful of scenes deemed not worthy enough to make the final cut...I couldn't wait to see how mind-numbingly bad these were! More of the same redundant tripe from Giamatti and company.
And Two Trailers.