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Machete Kills
BLU-RAY disk
Jan 28, 2014 By: Mathew Plale
Machete Kills order download
Director:
Robert Rodriguez

Actors:
Danny Trejo
Charlie Sheen
Mel Gibson

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Mexico’s most dangerous blade expert (Trejo) accepts a job from the President of the United States (Charlie Sheen) to stop the launching of nuclear missiles around the country (and outer space).
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Machete don’t fail, don’t joke, don’t smoke, and don’t tweet. But he does sequel. And so here is Machete Kills, the follow-up to 2010’s Machete.

Machete Kills opens with the titular badass (Danny Trejo) and his main squeeze Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba) coming face-to-face with a Mexican drug cartel and gun-wielding maniacs in luchador masks. After Sartana winds up in the way of a bullet, Machete is kidnapped and put in a noose. At just the right time, a call comes in from the President of the United States.

At the White House, President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen, credited as Carlos Estévez, his real name) tasks Machete to take out a ruthless madman named Mendez (Demián Bichir), who has access to nuclear missiles and isn’t afraid to use them.

Machete Kills is certainly over-the-top, but the series and character has lost much of its allure. Yes, there is a lot of gun- and blade-play, a chunk of ridiculous one-liners, excessive gore, and a collection of notable names—there’s Amber Heard as a contact going undercover as Miss San Antonio, Sofia Vergara as a saucy madam, Vanessa Hudgens as a prostitute on the run, and Mel Gibson as the man behind the plan; other various-sized roles go to William Sadler, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Lady Gaga, not to mention those reprising their roles—but there’s not much here that the first Machete didn’t have.

That likely won’t be a problem. Fans are here for all of the above and will probably stick by the series until it’s dead and buried. (There’s a coming attraction for Machete Kills Again…in Space attached to the movie, which is both real and a joke about how badly some exploitation series and characters have been milked for all they’re worth.)

And although Machete Kills delivers to the target crowd on all accounts and boasts a faux-3D sex scene, it’s really just not that amusing. Even one of its biggest gags—casting Sheen as a man in charge of one of the most populous countries in the world—feels like a cheap stunt that’s past expiration. At least Lindsay Lohan was still a walking disaster when she turned up in nun garb in the first Machete. Sheen as a punchline is so stale that it seems likely the series’ fourth entry, Machete Goes to the Supermarket, will feature Miley Cyrus opening an orphanage.

THE EXTRAS
Making Machete Kills (20:20): Director Robert Rodriguez, Danny Trejo, Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez, Amber Heard, and many more discuss the movie’s evolution, cast, characters, and more. Also included is on-set footage.

Deleted and Extended Scenes (20:10): There are eight here, which can be viewed separately or as a whole. They are: “Sheriff Doakes Talks About His Pappy,” “No One’s on the Road Tonight,” “I Dreamt Nurses?” “Meet Baby Machete,” “Tito’s Been Tasered,” “El Camaleón Sounds Like Antonio Banderas This Time,” “Extended Truck Driving Scene,” and “I’m Just Savin’ You the Sunburn.”

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FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Machete Kills may have the same sort of action, gore and cameos as its 2010 predecessor, and fans of the series and character will certainly get a few kicks, but this follow-up isn’t nearly as fun, nor is it as entertaining as the trailer for Machete Kills Again…in Space. Special features include a making-of featurette and deleted scenes.
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2:46PM on 01/28/2014

Yes I'm a Star Wars fan

Not as good as the first one, but better than the word of mouth that it's getting. The first one was more "serious" if that word could be applied to Machete. With Gibson and Bichir's over the top villains and El Chameleon I ended up having a good time with the sequel. My biggest complaint was with the "in space" trailer that gives away parts of the final act. It should have been saved for mid-credits or after the credits.
Not as good as the first one, but better than the word of mouth that it's getting. The first one was more "serious" if that word could be applied to Machete. With Gibson and Bichir's over the top villains and El Chameleon I ended up having a good time with the sequel. My biggest complaint was with the "in space" trailer that gives away parts of the final act. It should have been saved for mid-credits or after the credits.
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9:07AM on 01/28/2014
It's not great at all, but I kind of appreciate how out-there this one got. I could have done without Charlie Sheen, but everyone looked like they were having fun (especially Demián Bichir). And Mel Gibson nailed it. The "have a heart" line was vintage Mel.
It's not great at all, but I kind of appreciate how out-there this one got. I could have done without Charlie Sheen, but everyone looked like they were having fun (especially Demián Bichir). And Mel Gibson nailed it. The "have a heart" line was vintage Mel.
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10:50AM on 01/28/2014
I'm totally in agreement. It's guilty pleasure stuff.
I'm totally in agreement. It's guilty pleasure stuff.