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DVD disk
05.02.2006 By: Jason Adams
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Director:
Rob Rollins Lobl, Sam Sokolow

Actors:
Josh Lucas
Jeffrey Beuhl
Claudia Rocafort

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
After losing his job and his apartment, Eric decides to help his friend Ziggy scam his evil stepmother out of her million dollar house, all the while trying to romance a rich trophy wife.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
What happens when an actor achieves moderate fame? All the old shite movies he made early in his career to pay the bills get thrown out on DVD. In this case, the film is NO MONEY DOWN, formerly titled THE DEFINITE MAYBE during its original 1997 release. The star…Josh Lucas? With GLORY ROAD making decent bank and POSEIDON on the horizon, Tinseltown may have big plans for Mr. Lucas, but this two-hour student film almost kills his career before it begins.

It’s not just that NO MONEY DOWN doesn’t seem to have a point, but I can’t even tell what kind of movie it’s trying to be—a wacky romantic comedy, a suave “guys” movie ala SWINGERS, or a dark satire on high society socialites. Whatever it is, it’s a mess and not funny at any point. A bunch of random scenes wrapped around an abandoned plot, there’s noting here except 1.5 hours of boredom. The worst part is you can tell the filmmakers actually think they’ve made a clever movie. Let me explain the caliber of comedy at work here: As a girl pulls off a guy’s pants she says “You’ve got the biggest tick I’ve ever seen!” (He’s got an unwelcome parasite on his crotch, get it? )

Fittingly enough, Lucas is the only bright spot in here. He comes off as a likable and charismatic lead despite what he’s given. Aside from that, don’t be fooled by the cast list. Yes, Eric Stoltz, Teri Garr, Roy Scheider, Ally Sheedy and Al Franken are in the movie…for about three seconds each. Maybe next time the filmmakers should invest in a story and a script before asking favors from their “name” actor friends.
THE EXTRAS
Do you enjoy menus with your DVDs? Well, too bad. That’s a luxury NO MONEY DOWN can’t afford. (Don’t even bother to ask about special features.)
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Even if I hate a movie I try to think about other target audiences who would actually enjoy it. With NO MONEY DOWN, I can’t think of a single group of people who should watch this movie. Maybe death row inmates?
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