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Postal (Unrated)
DVD disk
09.11.2008 By: Jason Adams
Postal (Unrated) order
Director:
Uwe Boll

Actors:
Zack Ward
Dave Foley
Verne Troyer

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Uwe Boll hates you and he wants you and your immediate family to suffer.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
If you'd rather see a less wordy examination of this "film" with visual evidence, check out this week's Awfully Good column.


I didnít think it could be done. Iíve always had an outstanding rule that as long as a movie had a midget or a monkey it was automatically at least a little worthwhile. And God forbid a flick had both in the same scene; that may be the greatest cinematic accomplishment of our time. Well, obviously Uwe Boll is aware of my little challenge and single handedly destroys my dream with a sequence that sees little person extraordinaire Verne Troyer gets raped by a thousand monkeys. Really.

Iím not easily offended (or ever offended at all, really) and I love a good satire as much as the next guy, but thereís absolutely no redeemably reason for a single line or shot in this movie. Itís just senselessly offensive, racist and violent while Boll pretends heís doing something important as a filmmaker. Even when the Farrelly Brothers utilize the handicapped in their jokes or South Park has an episode where Cartman dresses up as Hitler and uses THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST fervor to lead naÔve Christians in a Nazi rally, itís usually in service of some kind of thematic message. Or at the very least a story. Boll makes no statements one way or another about the content he presents. And as expected, thereís barely any plot to the movie. Itís just being offensive for the sake of. Itís like the first time you discovered cursing as a kid; you start spouting off bad words just to say them, but the older and more mature you get, the more you learn a single well-placed ďf*ckĒ can be much more effective.

The worst part is that even if 9/11 jokes and watching innocent children get murdered are your bag, the movie still fails to be funny or even entertaining. Boll takes aim at everyone and everything; obese people, Scientologists, homosexuals, heterosexuals, religious people, midgets, hippies, Asian drivers, people who make long orders at Starbucks, you name it. I think I may have chuckled once or twice from shock value, but the rest of the 90 minutes was spent wondering exactly why Boll thought anybody would find this amusing. Perhaps the biggest gag though is the cast that somehow signed on to appear in this. Wes Anderson fave Seymour Cassel literally shows up to say a dirty line about a girl and then is never seen again. The great JK Simmons has two lines before a suicide bomber takes him out. ďKid in the HallĒ Dave Foley goes full frontal and takes a dump. (Not joking.) And star Zack Ward, who was good on the underrated show Titus, is probably best known as bully Scut Farcus from A CHRISTMAS STORY.

And what does all this have to do with the computer game of the same idea? No idea. Even the gameís creator shows up in the movie to accuse Boll of screwing him over. (I suppose Boll actually thinks thatís clever and meta.)
THE EXTRAS
Commentary by Uwe Boll: Boll actually speaks somewhat intelligently about the film and tries to explain/defend it. He fails.

Raging Boll (14:02): Remember back when Boll offered to fight his critics (including guys from SomethingAwful and AICN)? Well, they wisely videotaped it for all to see.

Verne Troyer Clip (0:15): Mini-Me claims that POSTAL will be better than INDY 4 and threatens Harrison Ford.

Behind The Scenes (9:11): Various footage from the set of the German amusement park. Some little girl asks Hitler if heís her dad. Okay, now thatís effed up.

A Trailer and a full copy of the Postal II video game are included with the DVD.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
I made fun of Uwe Boll in the past, but only for being a shitty filmmaker who takes criticism like a three year old. However, POSTAL is so reprehensibly bad it almost makes me hate him on a personal level. Somebody please take this manís camera away.

Extra Tidbit: Boll compared this movie to Monty Python. I hope he gets a lot of AIDS.
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