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Shadow Man
DVD disk
Jun 13, 2006 By: Matt Hosack
Shadow Man order
Director:
Michael Keusch

Actors:
Steven Seagal
Vasile Albinet
Skye Bennett

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Steven Seagal is an old-fart who’s daughter gets kidnapped (but not really). Seagal bumbles his way around a European canvas more often stumbling into various uninteresting predicaments very much like Inspector Clouseau. Will Seagal find his daughter and solve a lackadaisical government mystery? You know the answer.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Continuing in our series of reviewing god-forsaken films, is the latest iteration of the abominable Steven Seagal straight-to-DVD (S2DVD) kicks. All of Seagal’s S2DVD releases have sucked the big one and SHADOW MAN is no different. The writing, story, action, and acting are all well below par, in fact I think they’re completely beyond the bushes. Like my golf metaphor, the film just shouldn’t have been made. It boggles the mind how anyone remotely sensible would invest time and money in something like this.

Let me amuse you with some examples from this film, as you hopefully will never see it. At the beginning, Seagal teaches about reaching peaceful means and using martial arts to help people for good. Then, a few scenes later he’s killing random people for no real reason (i.e. people he could knock out and leave left alive). Another great amusement is that for some reason Seagal is a wanted man, so he walks around in a GIANT YELLOW jacket. Yeah, that’s the way to stay low key. I would imagine the main reason any soul would possible want to check this film out is for some good ‘ol American action. I hate to break it to you, but Seagal is an old fart. The entire movie he just stands and moves his arms like a jackass and dudes run into his fists and fall to the ground – all looking totally fake. Seagal and this movie are a supreme joke to the martial arts community and fans. I would love for someone to kick his ass. Dude, you may have been slightly cool in the 90’s but face it, your career is OVER!
THE EXTRAS
Steven Seagal say no extras for you
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
The movie, the man, the DVD: should all remain in the shadows in the back of a DVD storage facility. This has to be the end of Seagal’s “career” but something sinister tells me that there might be a few more titles on the way.

Final D >> Seagal wants you to see this film ($$) but Joblo say Hell NO!
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