John M. Holt
In place of a real story you have hip dialogue (“You’re such a noob, Speed!”) and puns that belong in BATMAN AND ROBIN. My favorite part though is how Speed sees physics (random numbers and meaningless formulas) on the track that supposedly give him an edge while racing. It’s like A BEAUTIFUL MIND…with fast cars and robot monkeys.
That’s right Chim Chim is now a robot monkey, because it’s almost 2010, baby. Real monkeys aren’t cool anymore. And that’s not the only upgrade. Both the new Speed Racer, who’s the title character’s secret orphan son, and his brother Racer X look like they Tokyo drift on the side for extra cash. There’s also a Mach 6 now, which I hear gives you the closest shave yet.
I never watched more than two episodes of the original series, so I have no nostalgic ties to the source material at all. This is just bad enough to suck on its own, as well as disgrace its predecessor at the same time. Luckily it’s super short, at barely over an hour, but any kid over the age of five should still be bored to tears. And a child younger than five wouldn’t know any better, so it’s your responsibility.
A Virtual Racing Game, Character Bios and Trailers.
Extra Tidbit: The above is legally binding.