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Speed Racer: The Next Generation: The Beginning
DVD disk
May 15, 2008 By: Jason Adams
Speed Racer: The Next Generation: The Beginning order
Director:
John M. Holt

Actors:
Kurt Csolak
Robbie Sublett
Peter Fernandez

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Speed Racerthe 90210 years.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
My God, was this awful. Apparently its some cartoon on Nickelodeon, the first three episodes of which were turned in to this movie. The terrible animation, a jarring mix of CG and traditional, looks like leftover pre-viz from the Wachowskis new live action film and the bland style renders the race scenes so boring I was yearning for bad dubbing just to keep me entertained.

In place of a real story you have hip dialogue (Youre such a noob, Speed!) and puns that belong in BATMAN AND ROBIN. My favorite part though is how Speed sees physics (random numbers and meaningless formulas) on the track that supposedly give him an edge while racing. Its like A BEAUTIFUL MINDwith fast cars and robot monkeys.

Thats right Chim Chim is now a robot monkey, because its almost 2010, baby. Real monkeys arent cool anymore. And thats not the only upgrade. Both the new Speed Racer, whos the title characters secret orphan son, and his brother Racer X look like they Tokyo drift on the side for extra cash. Theres also a Mach 6 now, which I hear gives you the closest shave yet.

I never watched more than two episodes of the original series, so I have no nostalgic ties to the source material at all. This is just bad enough to suck on its own, as well as disgrace its predecessor at the same time. Luckily its super short, at barely over an hour, but any kid over the age of five should still be bored to tears. And a child younger than five wouldnt know any better, so its your responsibility.
THE EXTRAS
Making Of (10:36): The creative team talks a good game when it comes to restarting the series, but the actual show doesnt speak to that

A Virtual Racing Game, Character Bios and Trailers.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Exposing your children or anyone elses children to this movie/TV show constitutes as child abuse in 37 out of the 48 continental United States.

Extra Tidbit: The above is legally binding.
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