The coolest aspect of this movie was seeing former WWE superstar, Double J, Jeff Jarrett as the Youth Pastor jacked on Jesus. How in the hell this phenomenally random casting came out, I have no idea, but I found it exceedingly amusing. Too bad that’s all in the first five minutes—after the all the GGW boobage clips on the beach. On the casting side, I have to wonder why in hell they even bothered with Selena Gomez (other than name recognition). Her monologues are terrible, and her “goodie two-shoes” character is so damn predictable and annoying it’ll make you want to puke. All she does is whine about getting out of her small town life for some adventure, but the second she finds some, all she can do is cry until she takes a bus home and leaves her three friends behind. Oddly enough, this may sound spoilerish, but it isn’t, as at this point, nothing’s happened. Of course, to say that much does actually happen in this film would be an overstatement.
SPRING BREAKERS comes from the demented mind of Harmony Korine (KIDS, GUMMO), so I expected it to be a little out there, but as much as I understand what he was getting at, suffice to say he doesn’t get there. The whole restaurant robbery is a miss for me. I liked this premise better when it was called POINT BREAK, and the fact that this flick also has the work “break” in the title makes me angry because POINT BREAK it is not. Far from it. James Franco’s Alien had potential, but even he got annoying because of the repetitive monologues, lines and scenes—saying the same thing over and over while showing the same scene five times, and adding the clicking sound of a lighter isn’t clever the first time, let alone several. And then there’s the ending…which is ridiculous, plain and simple. Skip this one unless you’re absolutely overtaken by a sense of morbid curiosity.
Breaking It Down: Behind Spring Breakers: At least here, Korine admits to purposely creating repetitive/looping dialogue and scenes as a stylistic angle he wanted to explore. It sounds cool when he’s explaining it, too bad it didn’t transcend well to the screen.
Deleted Scene: Lol. I won’t spoil the minute long secret. You’ll have to watch it and experience it for yourself.
Outtakes: I thought the point of these was to be funny. This isn’t, it’s just seven minutes of the cast screwing around.
Harmony’s Ear Candy: A look at the music that inspired and was featured in the film. I did dig the tunes. Even Franco’s ramblings.
Vice Featurettes: An odd, in character, look at the craziness of spring break from the point of the view of the Vice Squad. If I could be a cop anywhere for a day, I would want to it be wherever spring break was happening. I’m sure it’d make for some hilarious stories.
Previews: There’s a handful of trailers, some TV Spots as well as a Digital and Ultraviolet Copy of the film.