Juan Pablo Di Pace
SURVIVAL ISLAND (previously entitled THREE) is not so much a movie as it is a screen-saver for your DVD player. Pop the disc in and you're treated to an endless series of photographs in which Kelly Brook romps across a beautiful island paradise. Every once in a while one of the two MEN start sniffing around and ruin the effect, but when it's just Ms. Brook (and the remote's on MUTE), then I suppose SURVIVAL ISLAND isn't half bad.
Focus on anything connected to the plot, the dialogue, the acting performances, or the porno-level production values, and you're kind of missing the point: The chick's in a white bikini, you see, and her breasts are really large. Yeah, now you're getting it.