Sydney (Bynes, more Dopey than Snow) leaves her job of construction to attend her deceased mother’s alma mater and uphold the White legacy in a gaggle of glossed-over Plastics known as Kappa Phi Nu. But, of course, it’s never that easy—not in a fairytale, not on a college campus. Rachel Witchburn (Sara Paxton), the reigning, eh, witch and Kappa president, sets out to make Sydney’s next four years a living hell.
But it’s not a Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs retelling without a prince: that’s where Tyler—get this—Prince (Matt Long) comes in. And there are the seven dwarves (dorks), of course: Gurkin, Spanky, and Jeremy (?) stand in for Grumpy, Sneezy, and Bashful (not respectively, as I can’t tell any apart).
There are a number of clever nods to this Chad Gomez Creasey-penned “upgrade”, like the “fairest of them all” Hot or Not MySpace page that Rachel votes on (for herself) daily, the “Heigh-Ho” remix, and poisoned Apple laptop. Though I don’t remember Doc and Sleepy ever leading a mudslinging debate on ninjas vs. pirates…
Sydney White comes a few years after the Hilary Duff-ized A Cinderella Story. And similar to how Duff’s innocent-enough fare can’t fill Cindellera’s glass slipper, Sydney White isn’t likely to put its 1937 grammatically-incorrect grandmother in the Disney Vault. But it’s a fluffy enough stand-in for the 7th-grade sleepover circle.
Deleted Scenes (12:04): Each of the six scenes are greeted with director Joe Nussbaum’s input regarding what you’re about to see and why it was cut.
The Original Dork (7:01) is the designated “Making of” on the disc. Fans are likely to enjoy.
Sydney and Her Prince (4:30): Bynes and Long are highlighted here, with mucho ass-kissing going towards the duo.
Meet the Dorks (8:07), of course, takes a look at the residence of “The Vortex.”
Kappa’s Forever? (4:13) is similar to the previous feature, but this one is for the sorority sisters.
The Skooze (3:50): Oh, so that was what the handpuppet was all about! How creepy.
Welcome to the Vortex (5:02): Samm Levine (“Spanky”) gives us a tour of the Dorks’ crib. Even creepier.