BLU-RAY/DVD REVIEWS

003797Reviews & Counting
SEARCH BY TITLE # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Tart
DVD disk
10.08.2004 By: The Shootin Surgeon
Tart order
Director:
Christina Wayne

Actors:
Dominique Swain
Brad Renfro
Bijou Philips

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

star Printer-Friendly version
comment
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
A geeky loser-chick (Swain) gets a chance at acceptance when her trouble-maker friend is suspended from their posh NYC high-school and she gets the opportunity to hang with the cool kids and to bust a move on William (Renfro), a kid she has a huge crush on. She soon discovers that being taken in by the "A crowd" may not necessarily be all that much of a good thing.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
This is an awful film complete with all the elements necessary to become a senseless little venture into the world of fancy high schools. Here's a film with some promise based only on the people starring in it and yet cursed with such a lame script and some of the worst acting this side of Jerry Seinfeld. The story is basically a retread of the outcast who finally gets acceptance into the cool world and who discovers that the grass only looked greener from the other side. All the clichés are naturally involved, including the single mother, annoying brother, snooty Brits and some of the worst caricatures of high school kids you'll find in the bargain bin at the video store. Oh and by the way, did I mention that my girlfriend's "Tickle-me Elmo" doll can act better than anyone in this flick? You don't believe me? How about I tell you that the formerly attractive Melanie Griffith makes a small appearance? If that doesn't convince you that bad acting will happen...then nothing will!

Dominique Swain "stars" as the charisma-challenged nerd-girl Cat Storm. Being saddled with a script this ridiculous is probably her only savior since even Jodie Foster couldn't have delivered these lines effectively. In fact, writer-director Christina Wayne clearly demonstrates one of my favorite sayings: "It's not because you write, that you can write". The rest of the cast is just as terrible, with a special mention of dishonor going to Mischa Barton as the popular British girl who drags Cat into her world of coolness. Her timing and delivery make her about as convincing as that Pizza Hut guy who told me that my pizza would be delivered within 30 minutes on Super Bowl Sunday. The only cast member who avoids making a total jackass of herself is Bijou Phillips, as the troubled Delilah, Cat's best friend whose escapades lead everyone down a path they'd rather not take. She puts a bit of life into the whole affair with her portrayal of a spoiled rich kid with more problems than I have hair on my back. Mrs. Antonio Banderas, as mentioned above appears for a few seconds and manages to look as wooden and stupid as she ever has. Note to Melanie Griffith: Please do not accept any more scripts in which you are required to keep your top on.

But enough being mean. This film does have some redeeming values and one of those is that it's quite short. At 91 minutes, it's not a long waste of time (albeit...still a waste of time) and the fact that it's not very loud means you can use it as background noise. Unfortunately, despite it being a move about teens, it happens to be R-rated so most teens can't really even see it and it's so bad that anyone else will want to avoid it. Another letdown is that this movie doesn't even take advantage of its T&A potential. The way I see it, if you're going to make a movie with a bunch of good looking young women (not you Melanie), and if your film is going to be this bad, then you should at least make some of these women show some stuff!! Lacey Chabert is in this and her normally overexposed cleavage doesn't even make a one-second appearance!!! Oh well. I guess this will just be chalked up as a misfire on all fronts.
THE EXTRAS
There's nothing of note on this DVD aside from the trailer. One extra that would have been pretty cool would have been some footage of Christina Wayne pushing this script on a studio. I've always been curious about the logic behind the making of such a bad film.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
If you haven't figured out by now that I recommend avoiding this film, you're obviously illiterate. Crappy acting, redundant plot and a toilet-worthy script combine into making a film that should gather much dust on your video store's shelves. Please don't be the one to disturb it.
Strikeback
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

Best Selling

| December 2016 More Best Selling
  • 1
    The Secret Life of Pets
  • 2
    Star Wars: The Force Awakens
  • 3
    Suicide Squad
  • 4
    The Shelter
  • 5
    The Magnificent Seven

Featured Youtube Videos

Views and Counting

Movie Hottie Of The Week

More