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The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D
DVD disk
10 years ago By: Quigles
The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D order
Director:
Robert Rodriguez

Actors:
Taylor Lautner
Taylor Dooley
Cayden Boyd

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Okay, so there’s this rid, right? And he dreams a lot, right? And one day, he dreams of some shark kid and a girl made of lava, right? But then these kids make fun of him, right? He’s upset, but then they become real, right? And the kid has to save the world, right? And this movie’s plot doesn’t completely suck, right? Uh...WRONG!!!!!! (Insert angry face here)
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
AUTHOR’S NOTE: On the slim chance that the director of this film is reading this, I just wanted to make something clear: Robert Rodriguez is my idol. I love him. As much as any heterosexual guy can love a man. But some sins are just unforgivable...

Here’s a question for you: Who in their right mind would hear about a movie called THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL IN 3-D and say, “Hey, I really wanna see that!”...? Please tell me, because I’d love to know. Here’s where a bunch of people are rolling their eyes and saying, “Kids, duh!” Well, when kids go to movies, parents have to watch them too, and having that experience be pure torture for them isn’t exactly the way to go. That’s why movies like THE INCREDIBLES do so well; they play to all audiences, including (if not especially to) adults. Movies like SHARKTARD AND LAVADORK only appeal to a single audience: 8 year-olds. And even youngsters will be hard pressed to sit still with those headache-inducing cardboard glasses that come with the movie. Besides, the 3-D sucks anyway. It's a shame though; had the 3-D actually popped out of the screen like it was supposed to, I would've had a blast visualizing choking one of those lousy kid actors.

While not even close to the only problem with the film, the biggest problem is the script. It’s so half-assed and corny that it feels like it was written by a six year-old... oh wait, it was. Here’s a sample of what to expect:

“Planet Drool is being taken over by the darkness. You’ve just got to dream to stay alive. Lets sing about dreaming. Dream dream dream! La la la! Now we have to go to The Land of Gumdrop Farts and Creamy Monkey Sauce to stop the evil electricity guy before he sends his plug-hounds to attack us. Uh oh. Another time-consuming problem that nobody cares about! Lets run around some more!”

So on and so forth. For 93 minutes. Enough said.
THE EXTRAS
There are only two extras here. Thank god.

Feature Commentary (with Robert Rodriguez): Listening to this commentary was more enjoyable than the movie. And surprisingly enough, his comments actually made me hate the movie just a little bit less.

Creating “SharkBoy and LavaGirl” with Racer Max (7:54): I really enjoyed watching this extra because it confirmed that almost everything I hated about the movie was thanks to Rodriguez’s kid, and not actually Rodriguez. Phew. If Rodriguez had written that “knuckle sandwich” line, I would’ve cried.

Also, the movie can be played in either 3D or 2D format. The DVD comes complete with four sets of glasses.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
I can appreciate that Rodriguez decided to make an entire movie based around his son’s ideas, but there’s a line that people shouldn’t cross. Putting a six year-old at the helm of a feature length motion picture is one of them. *sigh* At least it’s better than SPY KIDS 3-D: GAME OVER. But that’s hardly a compliment.

And oh yah - I bumped the movie up a star simply because Rodriguez named his kids Racer, Rebel, and Rocket. Man, what a badass. I feel sorry for the kids though...
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