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The Crow: Wicked Prayer
DVD disk
07.28.2005 By: Quigles
The Crow: Wicked Prayer order
Director:
Lance Mungia

Actors:
Edward Furlong
David Boreanaz
Tara Reid

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
The crow has strange and mystical powers. Apparently, it can raise the dead. Like when THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS fell dead after the breathtaking original, THE CROW: SALVATION somehow met the light of day. Surely, the series was officially dead... Nope, that was just wishful thinking. Here is the fourth, and hopefully the last (but probably not) movie of THE CROW films. Not that it matters, but here’s the story: some guy and his girlfriend get murdered by some weird satanic gang, and the crow brings the guy back to avenge his girl’s murder. Or something like that.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
“Embarrassing” doesn’t begin to describe this appallingly horrendous dreck. The only thing more pathetic than every single aspect of this flick is that filmmakers actually thought it was a good idea, or that Dimension/Miramax greenlit the project. The acting, the directing, the script, Tara Reid still getting acting jobs – all of them atrocious facets of this shit-pile. Oh, how this movie does suck, let me count the ways...

1. Acting - I don’t really know why, but I like Edward Furlong. In all honesty though, he’s about at threatening as a butterfly with its wings ripped off. Yup, real terrifying. As for Tara Reid, well, I’ll save her for later. David Boreanaz (from BUFFY and ANGEL fame) is as over-the-top as you can get, spewing out lines like “Hurry up! Make me the fucking Antichrist!” with surprising gusto. Not including the guy that plays the gang-member War (yah, that’s his name), Boreanaz is the best actor in this film, and that is a terrible sign. Dennis Hopper also chimes in as a pimp-like figure that says stuff like "Oh Satan, what's up holmes? This is El Nino calling you up man. Quit your basking in the darkness, and come up here. Hitch your bitch." Ouch.

2. Directing - Here’s an example of what Mungia decided to do when introducing the bad guys: one by one, each villain gets a freeze-frame with information about them that read like stats off a trading card game. I can understand why they would put the character’s name, but what the hell was with the other shit? Well, no matter. Just be ready for 90 minutes of crap like that (that is, if you risk your life by actually watching the movie).

3. Script - For a little sample of this terrific screenplay, check out #1 off the list. Gems like those pop up constantly. If this were a comedy, it would have worked, but no, those lines are read in situations that are done in a completely serious tone. Ugh. If that weren’t enough, the writers actually think they have something deep and meaningful being portrayed. Countless scenes have poetic music being played over Furlong looking at the ground in his rejected Marilyn Manson-esque costume and make-up.

4. Action - I can understand that movies with low budgets make it hard to produce good action sequences, but that’s why having a good director and editor is handy. Take Robert Rodriguez for example; he performed admirably with his extremely limited budget in El MARIACHI. The action scenes in this movie are simply disgraceful, with constant quick-cuts, laughable wirework, and actrocious sound effects. I felt like I was watching a scene out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

5. Tara Reid - Because I love this gal so much, she gets her own special section, dedicated solely to her amazing acting prowess. With wonderful hits like ALONE IN THE DARK and URBAN LEGEND, why wouldn’t she be the perfect broad to bump heads with Boreanaz as his lover? Certainly not because she has about as much acting talent as a baked potato, or that she manages to mangle ever single line given to her. Good heavens, no. There’s a point in the film where Tara begins spouting off lines from a satanic ritual, to which I queried, “Tara Reid can read?” Never would’ve guessed.

THE CROW is one of my all-time favorite movies, not so much for it’s plot, but for it’s dark and brooding style, atmosphere, and imagery. All that goes to hell in THE CROW: WICKED PRAYER. Even on a “so-bad-it’s-good” level, this movie scores a big fat stinking zero. I tried to have a good time with this flick, I really did. But I couldn’t laugh... it just wasn’t funny to me. It was depressing and sad, in the same type of way that Uwe Boll directing another game-to-movie adaptation is sad. Yah, I know. Feel free to cry.
THE EXTRAS
There are quite a number of special features to check out, but unfortunately, most of them are rather lame. And by lame, I mean “tear-inducingly boring”.

Commentary (with the director and producer): I’ve never heard anyone contribute less than producer Jeff Most does here. He actually informs us that credits are playing. Thanks for that Jeff! The director doesn’t get much time to talk with all the stupidity that spurts out of the producer.

Commentary (with the director, cinematographer, film editor, and sound designer): With the producer gone, the real filmmakers get to tell you their thoughts about working on the flick. And let me tell ya, it sucks too! Yay!

The Making of The Crow: Wicked Prayer (24:44): This behind-the-scenes featurette confirmed for me that the people who made this film actually think it’s good. They think it’s serious too. Hell, they think a lot of stupid crap. Too much, in fact, that I had fallen asleep before it finished.

El Pinto (2:33): A super-short and dumb extra that has a few folks discussing who came up with the idea to have the special cars in the movie.

Black Moth Bar Storyboard (4:31): Wow, the fact that they actually storyboarded this scene before shooting makes it even more pathetic than it already was.

Margaritas and Conversations (3:45): The director and producer spend some time talking about their amazing movie, which (according to them) is deep and meaningful.

Deleted Scenes (2:33): There are 2 of them, both with commentary (non-optional, by the way). These are on par with the film. Yup, they’re that good.

Jamie’s Attic (3:29): A brief extra detailing composer Jamie Christopherson’s experience with the movie.

Galleries (1:29): There’s a simple still gallery to “enjoy” (which has about 50 pics), as well as a “Photographic Journey”, which is nothing more than fading pictures with text.

There are also six Sneak Peeks.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
If my super-long rant about how bad this film is didn’t convince you, here’s a little something to seal the deal: this movie sucks. Really bad. Don’t expect the crow to resurrect you after you die from watching it.

For a completely different take on the film though, check out The Arrow’s review, HERE.
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