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The Cutter
DVD disk
03.20.2006 By: Jason Adams
The Cutter order
Director:
William Tannen

Actors:
Chuck Norris
Joanna Pacula
Daniel Bernhardt

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
A Nazi war criminal has stolen two biblical diamonds and kidnapped the only Holocaust survivor who can cut them. The only person able to defeat such wickedness and blatant anti-Semitism…Chuck Norris and his roundhouse kicks of justice!
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
I don’t have to tell you that THE CUTTER is a really, really crappy movie. It’s just your classic direct-to-video flick with a nonsense plot, terrible acting, laughable dialogue and fight choreography that belongs in the WWE. Some studio head probably noticed that, thanks to Conan O’Brien and the Internets, Chuck Norris was semi-popular again and decided to make a few bucks off it.

THE CUTTER may be atrociously dumb, but, man, did I have fun watching it. The roommates and I cracked open a case of Guinness and laughed more at this movie than the last three Farrelly Brothers movies combined. We seriously had a blast, and you can too! Get your favorite alcoholic beverage and take a drink anytime:
  • The 66-year old Chuck becomes noticeably exhausted from throwing a punch or running more than fifteen feet
  • You can spot Mr. Norris’s stunt double (who’s in the movie more than Chuck)
  • There’s an extended flashback to something that happened literally three minutes before (Great for people with Alzheimer’s!)
  • The “master of disguise” villain wears a wig so bad that you can actually see his real hair underneath it
  • Somebody gets thrown through a window for no reason.
And chug your drink whenever:
  • Chuck breaks a guy’s neck without even moving his arms
  • Chuck gets into his Blue Van of Justice, chases the bad guys (who have kidnapped a girl), and then proceeds to plow his car right into theirs…without concern for the safety of the victim inside
Trust me, you’ll be drunk, dumb and happy halfway through!

Intoxicated Hilarity rating: 4.5/5
Serious Sober rating: 2/5
THE EXTRAS
Previews for other straight-to-video movies of this caliber.

What?! No Chuck Norris commentary? I feel gypped.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
If you’re over the age of 65 and enjoy Walker, Texas Ranger, you’ll probably love THE CUTTER. If you like to watch reruns of Walker, Texas Ranger, but only to laugh at it, you might enjoy getting drunk and watching THE CUTTER.

And since I have yet to exploit any of those ridiculous Chuck Norris “facts” in my review, here’s one for your reading pleasure:

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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